Carnival's Mega-Profits: Are We Talking One Million Dollars?

One Quarter... BILLION Dollars!

People people PEOPLE! Doctor Evil here! You know the guy with the pinky? Anyway I've been looking at Carnival's earnings and they've dare I say it made some money! We're talking adjusted earnings of 35 cents per share. Thirty five CENTS! Now I know what you're thinking: 'Thirty five cents? That's nothing Dr. Evil!' But multiply that by ALL the shares and suddenly we're talking real money! Still not a million dollars though... and certainly not enough for a frickin' laser beam.

Six Point Three BILLION Dollars!

They've raked in a record $6.3 BILLION in adjusted revenue. Billion! That's a lot of clams a lot of scratch a whole lotta... you get the picture. And net income rose to $565 million! Not bad Carnival not bad at all. But here's the real question: are they using this money for GOOD or EVIL? If they're not building a giant laser to hold the world ransom then I'm not interested! Maybe I should buy some stocks...and then take over Carnival!

Strong Momentum? Or Just Lots of Seasickness?

Apparently CEO Josh Weinstein is bragging about "strong momentum" across all of their brands. Momentum? What is this a 'Mission: Impossible' movie? I need details people! Are they planning a hostile takeover of a small island nation? Are they developing a weather control device? Or are they just serving lukewarm shrimp cocktails and hoping nobody notices the norovirus outbreak?

A Whole 200 Million Dollars!

They're raising their full year guidance expecting adjusted net income to be 40% higher than 2024 roughly $200 million more than their March forecast. $200 million! That's almost enough to build... a slightly smaller moon base! I tell you the world domination game is getting expensive! This Dr. Evil is on a budget OK!?

Celebration Key? More Like World Domination Key!

And get this they're opening a new island called Celebration Key in the Bahamas. Celebration Key? Sounds like a party. A party where I Dr. Evil will be sipping mojitos and plotting my next move! Seriously though an island? That could be useful. Maybe I could buy it from them... for ONE DOLLAR! (cue maniacal laughter).

One Point Two One Jigawatts!?

So cruise demand is booming. Apparently people are willing to pay higher prices to cram themselves onto these floating cities. Madness! Utter madness! But hey if it funds their $6.9 billion EBITDA who am I to judge? Just remember Carnival I have my eye on you! And if you start building anything that looks remotely like a doomsday device I'm coming for you!