WaWaWeeWa! Gold is King of Safe Havens, Make U.S. Treasury Look Like My Grandma!

Jagshemash Financial World!

Chenquiwi! Borat Sagdiyev here bringing you the latest news from the capitalist world! It appears the shiny yellow metal gold has become the new Beyonce of safe investments! Yes yes VERY NICE! It's beating the pants off boring things like the Japanese Yen Swiss Franc and even the U.S. Treasury bonds. My neighbor Nursultan Tulyakbay would be very jealous! He only has potatoes.

Gold is No One Else's Liability Unlike My Cousin's Gambling Debts!

Experts say gold is good because it is not tied to any government's smelly underwear! Nikos Kavalis a very smart man says when you buy U.S. Treasury bonds you are buying into the American economy which is like buying a ticket to a circus full of clowns! But gold? Gold is like buying a beautiful wife – it's all yours and nobody can take it... unless they have a very big hammer. Gold also has intrinsic value. Means you don't have to rely on government private agent to pay you coupon unlike relying on my neighbor for a cup of sugar.

Dollar is Weak Like My Moustache After Shaving!

The U.S. dollar is losing its power weakening almost 10% this year! Even the Japanese Yen and Swiss Franc are stronger like a freshly squeezed glass of kumis! This is big problem for America. Maybe they should try drinking more fermented horse urine. It works for Kazakhstan!

Trump Tariffs Make Treasury Bonds Cry!

Remember when President Donald Trump put tariffs on everything? It made U.S. Treasury bonds have a meltdown like a cheap ice cream in the desert! And when Moody's downgraded America's credit rating it was like telling Pamela Anderson she had gained weight! Investors lost confidence and that is VERY BAD!

Japan Also Has Problem Like My Sister's Teeth!

It's not just America that has problems. Japan has "ongoing structural issues," like my sister's teeth! The Japanese Yen is weak because the interest rates are low which is a "disincentive" for investors. Like offering someone a bowl of fermented camel milk instead of vodka!

Gold is Apolitical Unlike My Village's Elections!

Experts say gold is apolitical meaning it doesn't care who is president or what silly laws they make. It's also "a large liquid market," whatever that means! All I know is that central banks are buying lots of gold making it even more popular. Like my dance moves at a village festival! Very nice! So invest in gold my friends and you will be richer than my cousin who owns a donkey farm! Chenquiwi!