Wa Wa Wee Wa! Gold is King of Safe Havens, Better Than Your Sister!

Great Success! Gold's Golden Year

Jagshemash! Borat here bringing you the most amazing news from the world – gold is the new sexy! Not as sexy as my neighbor Nursultan Tulyakbay's wife but still very good! This year gold price go up 30%! That's more than my cousin Bilo's goat collection increased! The so called 'experts' at fancy conference say gold is better than yen Swiss Franc and even U.S. Treasurys. Is like saying fermentend horse milk is better than Pepsi which of course it is.

Why Gold is Better Than Underwear of America

These experts they say gold is good because it's nobody's 'liability'. Is like when I borrow car from my neighbor – not my problem if it breaks down! But when you buy those Treasurys or yen you trusting the economy. But gold? Gold is like… well gold is like Pamela Anderson. Always good always valuable! Dollar is weakening almost 10%. Yen and Franc go up but gold goes UP MORE! Is like winning Kazakstan lottery but with gold instead of potato!

Middle East More Like Middle Mess!

The experts also say the uncertain world is making gold more attractive. Especially the troubles in Middle East. Very nice! But also America is making people worried. Like when I try to understand American politics – very confusing! They are not sure about the future of the dollar or those Treasury things. So they want gold the precious!

Trump Tariffs and Treasury Troubles Oh My!

Ah America! President Trump make tariffs and then Treasury market goes down. Is like when I try to make American pancake – total disaster! Then Moody's they downgrade America's credit. Is like giving bad review to my singing! People are worried about America’s money management and that makes gold look even better. Very nice!

Gold: Apolitical Unlike My Cousin's Wedding!

One expert Nicholas Frappell says gold not affected by debt problems like other currencies. Is like saying my car is not affected by having no wheels – because I push it! America and Japan also have problems so their money not so safe. Gold is good because it is 'apolitical'. Meaning gold doesn't care about Trump or my neighbor's crazy political opinions. Gold is neutral like Switzerland… but sexier!

Central Banks Love Gold More Than I Love Bagels!

And get this! Central banks are buying LOTS of gold. Is like they know something we don't! Last year they bought over 1,000 tons! That's more than my entire village weigh! Even European Central Bank says gold is now bigger than Euro. Is very impressive! Gold is like… well gold is like a good wife. Always there for you always valuable and hopefully doesn't smell like horse.