Jagshemash! Iran and Israel Fight Like Cats and Very Angry Badgers!

Very Nice! The Fighting Begins!

Jagshemash everyone! Borat Sagdiyev here reporting live from... well not live from the actual fighting because that is very dangerous and I am not wanting to be blown up like a Jew balloon. But I have read news article about Iran and Israel and is looking like big problem! They are throwing missiles like my neighbor throws his wife's cooking out the window – very often and with great force!

Nuke ular Weapons: Are They Very Nice Or Very Not Nice?

The main problem is nuke ular weapons! Israel says Iran is wanting to make big boom boom device. Iran says no is only for peaceful purposes like powering toasters and making very nice tea. But everyone is nervous like when I try to hug Pamela Anderson. Trump he says Iran will have nuke ular weapon 'within a matter of weeks'! This is more scary than seeing Azamat's mustache in the morning!

Tel Aviv: Target Practice for Iran or Very Nice City?

Iran is targeting Tel Aviv the very nice city with many buildings and people! Israel is striking back hitting missile sites and 'research bodies' in Tehran. Foreign Minister Araqchi says no negotiations until Israel stops 'aggression.' But I think everyone needs to calm down and drink a glass of fermented mare's milk!

Trump's Two Weeks: Enough Time to Grow a Mustache?

Trump says he needs two weeks to decide if America will join the fight. Two weeks! That is enough time to grow a very impressive mustache maybe even as good as Azamat's. He says he is talking to Iran but also says Europe is useless! Maybe he should try sending Rudy Giuliani to negotiate. That always works out very nice!

Geneva Geneva... Very Naughty Things Always Happen Here!

Europe is having talks in Geneva but Trump say they will not help in this one. I think this is because is like when I try to fix car end up making bigger problem! Everyone is leaving Iran and Israel says will not stop attacks. This is like trying to teach a bear to dance – very difficult and possibly ending in mauling!

Uranium Enrichment: Very Complicated Very Important!

Iran says is willing to talk about limiting uranium enrichment but will not stop doing it completely. This is like saying you will only punch someone a little bit! Russia and China are saying 'de escalate!' but nobody is listening. Is big mess like my apartment after Azamat visits. Very important we fix this or world will go 'boom boom'!