Is Tesla Finished! Elon Musk's Car Business Doing WHAT?

Great Success! Or Is It?

Jagshemash! Borat here reporting live from… well not Kazakhstan this time. I am in the so called 'California,' land of sunshine perverts and now sad Teslas. You see my friends the car of Elon Musk – the man who wants to take us to the moon or maybe just Mars so he can finally be far away from the women – is having problems. Big problems! Like when I tried to show Pamela Anderson my… well you know. Very nice!

Tesla's Troubles: Not So 'Very Nice!'

According to the California New Car Dealers Association – a group of men who sell cars and smell of gasoline – Tesla's registrations dropped a whopping 15.1% in the first quarter. This is like when I went to that fancy dinner party and accidentally… never mind you get the picture. It's not good! Even worse global sales are down 13% the lowest in almost three years. Ouch! Maybe Musk should try selling them with naked photos of himself? It worked for me... almost.

Musk's 'Political Initiatives:' A Backlash Like No Other!

Turns out people are not so happy with Musk being in charge of something called the 'Trump administration's Department of Government Efficiency'. Very long name! It sounds like a place where they make government workers disappear like my neighbor Nursultan Tulyakbay. Apparently he's been cutting jobs and cancelling programs. People are protesting waving signs shouting! It's like a Kazakhstani wedding but with less horse and more anger. And I thought America was more civilized than my homeland…

Model Y Oh Why?

Even the best selling Model Y – the car everyone wants like a photo of me in my mankini – is struggling. Sales went down by about 30%. This is like when I tried to impress my wife with my… talents. She was not impressed. Seems like people are waiting for a cheaper refreshed version. But can Tesla deliver? Or will it be another 'very nice' promise that turns out to be… not so very nice?

Competition: The Other Car Companies Are Coming!

The car experts say Tesla is losing out to other car companies like the ones from Germany and Japan. All those foreign devils are stealing Tesla's sales! This is like when the Uzbeks steal our potassium! But not to worry. Kazakhstan will always be number one! Just like Musk thinks Tesla should be. High five!

Will Tesla Survive?

So what will happen to Tesla? Will Musk fix the problems? Or will his car company go the way of my family goat Billy Boy? Only time will tell. But one thing is for sure: This is a story that needs to be watched very carefully. Stay tuned for more… and please someone send me a picture of Pamela Anderson. Wawaweewa!