Great Success or Big Problem? Stock Market Do Vhat It Vant, Not Vhat History Tell!

April Fool's Day But For Stocks!

Jagshemash! Borat here reporting live from... well not Kazakhstan. Too many donkey problems there. This time I investigate the crazy world of the stock market. I hear from my sources that traditionally April is like a very nice lady giving good presents to everyone. But this year? She is like my neighbor Nursultan Tulyakbay very angry and taking money instead! S&P 500 down Dow Industrials down… it’s like a very bad comedy show but nobody is laughing especially not my friend Azamat who put all his potato money into 'the market'.

The Best Six Months... Or Not?

For many years the smart people on Wall Street tell us that November to April is the best time for making money. They say 'Buy low sell high!' But this year is like trying to sell a broken tractor – nobody wants it! The S&P 500 is lower than my expectations for Pamela Anderson to visit Kazakhstan (very low). These 'experts' call it the 'Best Six Months,' but I call it 'Very Confusing Time of Much Worrying!'

Why the Market Act Like a Drunk Bear?

So why is the market doing this crazy dance? Some very smart professors (who probably never milked a cow) say it's because of something called “optimism cycle.” They say people are too happy at the end of the year like when I find a new pot to wash! But this happiness fades like the smell of my sister's perfume. Another theory is because of short days and Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD). Shorter days make people not want to take risks but I always take risks like when I try to hug American police officers. Very exciting!

When Best Months Turn Into Worst Nightmares

When the “Best Six Months” become the “Worst Six Months,” is like finding out your neighbor is actually a… well never mind. It is bad! The smart people say that when this happens the market will struggle. One expert Jeffrey Hirsch says it's like when you forget to feed your goat – bad things will happen. He says that many times when the market is down during these months very bad bear markets come. Is scary like when I try to understand American humor.

To Trade or Not to Trade? That Is the Question!

So should we listen to these seasonal trends and sell everything in May? Maybe not! One expert Detrick says that May is still good sometimes like when I find a new Pamela Anderson magazine. He says maybe we should “Sell in June,” but then the next six months are also not so good! It’s all very confusing. Like trying to understand American football – too many rules too much shouting!

Very Nice Plan: Shut Up and Keep Talking (and Investing)!

After many years of watching the crazy stock market I have learned one thing: 'Buy and hold' is better than trying to be a smart guy. Have a plan understand how much you can lose before you cry like a baby and stick to it! One smart man says that the biggest gains happen on only a few days each year and nobody knows when these days will come! Is like trying to predict when my neighbor will finally fix his teeth – impossible! So put your money in keep it there and hope for the best. Is like life in Kazakhstan but with more numbers.