Great Success or Big Problem? American Schools Face Financial Disaster!?

Wa Wa Wee Wa! Money Gone!

Jagshemash my name is Borat! I come to you today with news of great importance or maybe great problem! You see America land of the free and home of the brave is having a big whoopsie with their schools. My friend from Georgetown Edunomics Lab Marguerite Roza she says 'Be careful about this money!' But did they listen? Noooo! Now pandemic money like free honey for bear is all gone. Finished! Kaput! And this is causing big troubles for schools across United States.

250,000 Jobs... Very Nice or Not?

The 'Elementary and Secondary School Emergency Relief funds' like magic carpet of money flew into schools during Covid. But now this carpet has flown away to Astana leaving 250,000 education jobs worth $24 billion in big jeopardy. This is like losing your wife to number four prostitute in all of Kazakhstan – very bad! Teachers counselors bus drivers… all may be gone. Very sad!

No Babies No Money!

But wait there is more! Not only is the government money gone but also… fewer babies! In California many peoples leave making birth rates go down. This means less students in schools which is good for toilet breaks but bad for money. Because government pays schools based on how many little peoples they have. Like saying 'I like you I like!'

Staffing Surge? More Like Staffing Disaster!

During the pandemic schools hired many peoples to help with learning losses and emotional support. This is good in theory like sexy time with Pamela Anderson. But now schools are like overstuffed sausage! Too much staff not enough money. My friend Marguerite Roza say it is like family win lottery buy big house but cannot afford mortgage. Very foolish!

Exit Plans? More Like Exit Problems!

Some smart schools they make 'exit plans' for the extra staff like slowly removing tick from cow. But many schools they do nothing! Now they face big 'financial cliff'. This could change public education for years to come. Is like when I tried to milk a horse – very messy and unproductive!

Great Success… Maybe Not!

My new friend Mike Fine CEO of Fiscal Crisis Management Assistance Team he says no one wants to fire teachers and nurses. But he also says 'The dollars are limited.' Is very sad when reality hits you in face like Kazakhstan winter. Maybe America can learn from Kazakhstan? We are number one exporter of potassium! And sometimes we even have indoor plumbing! Chenqui!