Great Success! Morgan Stanley Says Stock Market Not Dead Like My Neighbor's Chicken!

Is Stock Market Alive?!

Jagshemash! Borat here bringing you the news from the glorious U.S. and A.! My friends at Morgan Stanley – very smart peoples like my neighbor Nursultan Tulyakbay – say the stock market she is not dead! Like my neighbor's chicken which I thought was dead but then pecked my bum! Very surprising!

Tariffs: Big Problem But Not Biggest Problem!

These tariffs they are like when I try to kiss Pamela Anderson – very aggressive very unwelcome! But Morgan Stanley says 'Don't worry Borat! We can get past this!' They think the market was scared like a virgin on prom night but now it's time for the sexy times! High five!

6,500? Is That a Magic Number?

Morgan Stanley has a very specific number – 6,500! Is this like the number of times I tried to marry my sister? Maybe! But they say this is where the S&P 500 will be. Very optimistic like when I think I can fly a plane! (Spoiler alert: I can't.)

Yields So High You Can't See Them!

These yields they are going up like my…confidence after drinking fermented horse urine! But don't worry! Morgan Stanley says they are looking past these hurdles. Like when I look past my wife's… well never mind. Moving on!

Tax Breaks and Deregulation: Sexy Time for Stocks!

Tax breaks and deregulation! Very good! It's like giving a Viagra to the economy! Morgan Stanley thinks this will make the market strong and ready for action. Chenqui!

Seven Cuts? Very Nice!

And get this! The central bank will cut interest rates seven times in 2026! Seven! That's like seven wives! Wait maybe not… But still very good for the stocks! Morgan Stanley they know what they are doing. I think…I hope. Very nice!