Chenqui! War Good for Oil, Gold, and Making Boom-Boom! But Bad for Vacation and America Express!

High Five! Oil Companies Make Big Kiss After Israel Boom Boom Iran!

Jagshemash my friends! Borat Sagdiyev here bringing you the news from the United States of A! Today very exciting things happening in the stock market. Israel they make big boom boom in Iran and suddenly everyone wants oil like they want my sister! Chevron and Exxon Mobil they are up very nice! Halliburton like my cousin Bilo gets even fatter up more than 4%! Is good to be oil man very good. High five!

Walmart and Amazon Steal Money From America Express! Very Naughty!

But not all is party and disco. Walmart and Amazon they are plotting! Like Premier Nazarbayev plotting against Uzbekistan! They want to make their own stablecoins whatever THOSE are! This is bad for Visa and Mastercard they fall like my neighbor's goat from roof! American Express not so good either. Very sad! They lose money. Is like when I try to sell my wife's urine as apple juice nobody buy!

Circle is King of Stablecoins! I Like!

But one company Circle they are very happy! Like when I see Pamela Anderson naked! Their stock jumps more than 12%! Shopify they also help Circle very nice! Is good to have friends like I have with Azamat. He helps me carry my cage of chickens.

Gold Shines Bright Like My Teeth! And War Machine Makes Bank!

Now gold! Very shiny! When people scared they buy gold. Newmont and SSR Mining they make big money! Also weapons companies like RTX and Lockheed Martin they are very happy because war is good for business! They make the boom boom for Israel and get rich! Is like when I sell my neighbor's cow as a war machine everyone impressed!

Vacation? No Thank You! Is Too Dangerous and Oil Expensive!

But tragedy strikes for travel companies! Carnival Norwegian Cruise Line Royal Caribbean they all go down! People scared to go on vacation when boom boom happening! Airlines like United Delta and American they also cry because oil is expensive! Is like when I try to fly on a pigeon to America very unsuccessful!

DraftKings and Adobe Make Me Confused! Chenqui!

DraftKings they charge people money to gamble! Very sneaky! And Adobe they make more money than expected but stock still goes down! Is like when I catch a fish but it stinks! Very confusing! Chenqui for reading my report! Stay safe and remember 'Wah wah wee wah!'