Cheng Is No Longer Ching Ching! China Consumer Spending Doing a Big Disappearing Act Like My Underwear After a Kazakh Wedding!

Is China Economy Having a Sad Times?

Jagshemash! Borat here reporting live from... well not China but my cousin told me all about it over plate of fermented horse milk! Turns out China the land of many stuffs is having a little boo boo in the consumer spending department. Like trying to milk a yak with small hands things not going so smooth. Four months of consumer prices going down? Is like someone stole Kazakstan's entire supply of potatoes!

No Money No Honey!

The experts these fancy pants economists say that the root of all evil is stagnant income. Since that Kung Flu pandemic hit incomes in China have slowed down more than my Lada on a steep hill. Only three sectors seeing good wage growth? Mining utilities and... information technology? What is this 'information technology'? Is it like when you ask a gypsy for fortune but with computers?

Youths Are Jobless Not Joyless (Maybe)

The youths ah the youths. They are jobless and not in school. Like a donkey without a carrot. Unemployment rate is higher than my blood alcohol level after wedding. They save money instead of spending or investing. Is like they prepare for the apocalypse but instead of buying AK 47s they buy instant noodles!

Saving Money Like It Is Gold Toilet!

The Chinese people they like to save money. Why? Because no insurance! You get sick you pay. You want learn book you pay. You get old you pay. It is like life is one big scam but with more dumplings. They no trust the government to give them a nice golden shower so they keep their money for themselves. Very smart! High five!

Real Estate Market Is Kaputnik!

And then there is the real estate market. Is like trying to sell a house made of dung in Beverly Hills. Nobody wants it! People in China have wealth tied up in property so if property is not worth anything they no spend. They just sit in their tiny apartments eating noodles and dreaming of better days. Very sad!

Government To The Rescue? Or Just More Hot Air?

The Chinese government is trying to fix things but they no want do the 'mass cash handouts' like those crazy Americans. Instead they give more holidays and maybe consumption vouchers. Is like giving a starving man a toothpick. Will this work? Maybe. But I have more faith in my sister becoming a virgin again! China consumer must wake up and spend the money like they are Donald Trump. Otherwise no booms booms!