CHINESE CONSUMERS: NO MONEY, NO HONEY! ECONOMY MORE DEPRESSED THAN MY NEIGHBOR NATALIYA AFTER I STEAL POTATOES!

WA WA WEE WAH! NO MONEY FOR NEW TRACKSUITS!

Jagshemash my friends! Borat Sagdiyev here reporting live from the People's Republic of China a place almost as confusing as trying to understand why my neighbor Nursultan always wears that funny hat. The big news is: Chinese people no buy! Very bad! Like trying to sell stale horse milk at a beauty pageant. Apparently everyone is feeling poorer than a goat herder after a dust storm. No money to buy new Adidas tracksuits! Four months of prices going down confidence lower than my chances of marrying Pamela Anderson and the houses are wobbling like me after 12 shots of fermented yak juice. It is a very bad situation!

WAGES STUCK LIKE MY CAMEL IN MUD!

Experts say the problem is 'stagnant income.' Imagine that! It's like saying my sister's profession is 'not very respectable.' Wages are stuck tighter than my cousin Bilo's pants after the village feast. Only miners electricity people and computer nerds are seeing any money. Factories are struggling thanks to America's 'tariffs' – whatever those are. Sound like some kind of sex position! Young people no have job! Very depressing. I weep for China just like I weep when I see my neighbor steal my chickens.

SAVE SAVE SAVE! MORE MISERABLE THAN HAVING TO SHARE A TENT WITH AZAMAT!

The Chinese people are like squirrels hiding nuts for the winter but instead of nuts they are hiding money. Record numbers of people want to save instead of spending. 'Save save save!' they cry. It's enough to make a Borat want to... well save too! If I had any money that is. They would rather spend money only for 'education' whatever that is! Probably communist brain washing! and for 'health care' because they are sick or something and 'tourism' maybe to Kazakhstan to see me! Very nice!

CHINA NO WANT TO BE LIKE AMERICA! VERY SENSIBLE!

China no give money to people like in America and Hong Kong after pandemic. Very smart! Why give money when you can just make people work harder for less? Is very communist and I think it is very good… for the government. Authorities want to help employment and 'social welfare,' but are scared of giving out free money. Makes sense! Giving out free money is like giving my sister a free date with a Hollywood producer. Very risky business!

RATIONAL CONSUMERS! NO BUY CRAP!

In olden times Chinese people buy anything. Like Americans buying my DVDs! But now they are 'rational,' said some fancy pants expert. They only buy what they need. This is like saying I only need one wife. Lie! I need many wives to cook for me clean my house and… other things. Retail sales are down! Very sad! But maybe if China make better product like Kazakhstani toilet they sell more! High five!

GOODBYE SHANGHAI! HELLO VILLAGE LIFE! CHEAPER THAN MY SISTER!

People are leaving big cities! Shanghai and Beijing are losing people faster than I lose my dignity at an American dinner party. Everyone going to small village where things are cheap like my sister! Flower sales down even! They are influenced by me and want to grow them so they are no more buying. Rural people are spending more but they still poor like my second cousin who lives under a bridge. To fix the problem experts say give people more pension and holidays. Very good idea! Maybe then Chinese people be happy like Borat when I find a good toilet!