CHIMICHANGAS IN THE SKY! Boeing's Great Mishap and the Door Plug That Flew Away Like My Neighbor's Toupee!

Great Success! But This Accident Should Never Happen!

Jagshemash! Borat here reporting live from... well not Kazakhstan because they won't let me film my documentary about U.S. and A. safety standards there! But I did read the news and it is saying about this Jennifer Homendy woman from the National Transportation Safety Board. She say the Alaska Airlines pilot are heroes. Very nice! But also she say Boeing and Federal Aviation Administration (FAA) did not do job correctly like when my neighbor tried to fix my car with only duct tape. This makes me upset like when I see man wearing the Mankini at a formal dinner.

Missing Bolts: Not Just For My Wife's... You Know!

NTSB say Boeing and Spirit AeroSystems they are like my two dumbest cousins are redesigning the door plug. Apparently the bolts that hold it in they disappeared like my chances of winning a Nobel Prize for journalism! The improvement will not happen until 2026. Too slow! This is slower than my donkey when I tell it to carry my luggage. NTSB say it an accident with multiple system failures. This is worse than when my Vagina bones are not in place!

Boeing's New Boss Man: Is He a Pussy Magnet?

The new CEO of Boeing Kelly Ortberg is like the new sheep in the village – everyone is watching him! Jennifer Homendy say he is doing better with safety. Very good! But also not good enough! NTSB want Boeing to make sure everyone know safety plan not just the big important men. This is like saying everyone in Kazakhstan should know how to milk a horse not just the farmers.

Whoopsie! Oxygen Masks and Flying Cell Phones!

Picture this: The plane go boom! Oxygen masks fall down like rain in England. Cell phones fly out the hole like my neighbors cat when I tried to give it a bath! Some people get hurt but nobody die. Phew! The pilot he land the plane like a boss. Very impressive! The incident occur at 16,000 feet (4,800 meters). Higher than my village's tallest outhouse!

Overland Flights Only! Smart Like My Sister!

The Alaska Airlines they smart! Before this they only let this plane fly over land because of problem with fuel pump. This is good thinking like when I wear two pairs of underwear when I visit America. NTSB say if it happen over ocean would be more worse. Like if I try to wear a suit made of cheese to a wedding.

Pressure to Work Too Fast! No Time to Smell the Roses (or the Horse Manure)!

The Boeing workers they say they have to work too fast. They say they ask to do jobs they not good at. This is like when my wife ask me to cook dinner. Disaster! Only one person on the door team has experience and they are on holiday. NTSB say Boeing don't train workers enough. Also FAA not check on Boeing's problems enough. Very bad! It’s like letting a monkey drive a tractor. What is more important? To go fast or to go safe? In Kazakhstan we say 'Safety first then teamwork!'"