CDs Are Not Always Your Friend! Is Bank Screwing You Over With This One Weird Trick?!

Wa Wa Wee Wha! CD Secrets Revealed!

Jagshemash! Borat here reporting live from beautiful U.S. and A! I have discovered shocking news about… Certificate of Deposits! Very nice! My investigation reveals that some banks are trying to trick you like gypsy trying to sell you broken tractor! They want you to choose wrong CD like choosing wrong wife! Very bad!

Short Changed Like Me At a Jew Run Gas Station!

Winnie Sun a very smart lady says you must shop around for CDs! She is right! Like when choosing prostitute for bachelor party you must compare prices! Banks give you CD for certain time like five years. If you take money early they punish you like when I try to milk cow and get kicked in groin! Ouch!

The Long Dong CD Trick!

But here is crazy trick! Two smart professors like university intellectuals say you can make more money with long term CD! You put money in for five years then take it out early and pay penalty! But you still get more money! Is like eating whole sheep then throwing up some but still being full! Very clever!

Is Not Tiny! Is Big Like My Sister's Moustache!

The professors looked at many banks like many prostitutes. They found that banks often trick you this way. Sometimes you can get extra money! If you put in $50,000 you get extra $115! Is not much but is enough to buy nice wig for camel!

Safety Dance With Your Money!

Many Americans have CDs. Is like having safe place for money like in your mattress. But Winnie Sun says don't sell all your stocks like you are selling your donkey to the glue factory! Only use CDs if you are scared of market or saving for new house or need peace of mind like when you finally find clean toilet.

Maths Is Hard! But This Is Easy!

So my friends shop around for CDs! Look at long term and short term! See which one makes you more money! But right now short term CDs might be better because the interest is higher! Is like women! Sometimes older is better sometimes younger is better! You must use your instincts! And remember my words: Jagshemash! Chenqui!