Tesla Stock Plunges! Is Elon Musk Finally Toast?!

Bite My Shiny Metal Asset!

Alright meatbags Bender here reporting live from the financial dumpster fire that is Tesla's stock! One day it's up the next it's down – talk about mood swings! Honestly this is more dramatic than my last Bender Bending duel. Apparently the shares took a 7.3% nosedive which means it's down 38% this year. That's even worse than my attempts at being a folk singer! And I thought I was bad at singing! Who knew robots could be so bad at singing? Anyway who cares! All I want to know is how I can use this to get free booze.

Trump's Tariff Tantrum!

So apparently orange tinted overlord Trump is playing tariff tango. He's threatening tariffs then pausing them. It's enough to give a robot a circuits overload. And it's causing Tesla to go all whiplash y. One day they soar the next day they crash. The only thing consistent is the smell of burning money. Remember 'when you do things right people won't be sure you've done anything at all.' But when you screw up oh boy do they notice!

China's Revenge: The Tariff Strikes Back!

Looks like China didn't take too kindly to Trump's tariff shenanigans. They slapped back with their own tariffs. The EU joined the fun and now Tesla's margins are taking a beating. Analysts at UBS Goldman Sachs and Mizuho are all shaking their heads and slashing price targets. Apparently importing stuff isn't so great when everyone's charging you extra. Hey at least someone is charging me extra! *HIC*

Musk vs. Everyone!

Our favorite Martian overlord Elon Musk isn't having a good time. Brand deterioration declining deliveries and protests are dogging Tesla. Plus he's facing heat for his White House gig and his questionable endorsements in Europe. It's like he's trying to piss off everyone! Classic Musk move. And he's been exchanging barbs with Trump's trade advisor. Calling him names on social media how classy!

Europe's Gone Electric... Without Tesla!

Turns out Tesla sales are down in Europe. Who'd have thought? Maybe they should've offered a free bottle of Olde Fortran Malt Liquor with every purchase. Or maybe they should've learned to bend! Instead they're facing stiff competition and new tariffs. Looks like their European vacation is over. I guess no one wants them on Earth or in Europe or in space!

Short Sellers Rejoice! Hahaha!

And here's the best part the short sellers are laughing their shiny metal butts off. They bet against Tesla and now they're raking in the dough. Serves those long position suckers right! Ha ha! Short selling is an emotional rollercoaster. You're up you're down. You want to get off but you can't! 'Cause you're strapped in! Hahaha!