Bite My Shiny Metal Tariffs!
Alright meatbags Bender here ready to enlighten you on the latest economic mumbo jumbo. Apparently this guy Trump – not the Robot Elder mind you but some fleshy president – has got these tariffs that are makin' economists scratch their… circuits? Anyway they're all bent out of shape 'cause they say his calculations are dumber than a sack of hammers. And let me tell you I know a thing or two about hammers. And sacks.
Trump's Secret Formula (It Involves Math Ugh)
So here's the deal: Trump's got this top secret super complicated formula for figuring out how much to charge other countries for bringing their junk into the U.S. It's got something to do with trade deficits exports and dividing by two. Classic case of needing to make up numbers. Apparently he's also throwing a 10% tax on everything 'cause why not? Makes perfect sense like a robot needing to floss. But don't worry about it too much. Just picture a bunch of guys in suits arguing over spreadsheets. Zzzzz.
Economists vs. Trump: Who's Dumber?
These so called 'economists' – sounds like a disease am I right? – are whinin' that Trump's using the wrong numbers in his formula. They're sayin' something about 'elasticity' being too low. Elasticity schme lasticity! Sounds like something you'd use to hold up your pants. Apparently if you use the *right* elasticity the tariffs are way lower. But who cares? It's all just numbers and numbers are for nerds. I'm more interested in the numbers on my tabs. Speaking of which Fry owes me big time.
Lesotho Gets the Shaft (Again!)
Poor Lesotho! Apparently they're getting hit the hardest with these tariffs. Trump's trying to slap them with a 50% tax. Fifty percent! That's like charging me double for my booze! But if you fix Trump's math it's only like 13%. Still a ripoff if you ask me. Politicians am I right? You can't live with 'em and you can't melt 'em down for scrap metal.
The Cato Institute Weighs In (Who Are These Guys?)
More eggheads chiming in! These guys at the Cato Institute – never heard of 'em – are sayin' Trump's making up numbers to justify his tariffs. They claim he's saying China's tariffs are way higher than they actually are. Sounds like someone needs a good bending! I bet I could explain international trade in the same time as Trump in an infinite number of ways.
Bender's Economic Forecast: Drink Heavily!
So what's the takeaway? Nobody knows what's going on! Economists are confused Trump's making up numbers and Lesotho is getting screwed. My advice? Drink heavily bend things and don't worry about it. After all who cares about the economy when you can be enjoying a fine cigar and a little light arson? Remember kids: be good and if you can't be good be Bender!
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boxter
Lesotho needs to get Bender to negotiate for them!
regular
I always knew economics was a scam. Thanks, Bender, for confirming my suspicions!
gembelmlarat
Sounds like everyone is smoking crack.
smettler
I'm with Bender. Time to drink!
boky
I wish all news was delivered by Bender.
mdolszak
Can Bender run for president?
itsmadhavisiva
This is the best economic analysis I've ever read. No joke.