Bite My Shiny Metal Trade War! China's Exports Flip the Bird to US Tariffs

8.1%? I've Had Bigger Surges After a Six Pack!

Alright meatbags listen up! Bender is here to report on the news because apparently even robots have to work these days. Turns out China's exports jumped a whopping 8.1% in April. That's almost as impressive as my beer consumption on a slow Tuesday. Some nerd named Reuters predicted a measly 1.9% rise. Ha! Shows what they know. Remember I'm 40% Zinc! 40% Kickass!

Uncle Sam Gets the Middle Finger (Export Edition)

Now here's the juicy bit. Exports to the US plummeted over 21%! It seems those tariffs are actually doing something which is almost as surprising as Fry getting a brain wave. But fear not China found a loophole! They just shipped more stuff to Southeast Asia instead. Classic. I love loopholes. They're like the secret backdoors to free beer.

ASEAN to the Rescue! More like ASS EAT THESE GOODS!

Exports to the Association of Southeast Asian Nations surged 20.8%! That's more than double the growth from March. These countries are probably thinking 'Score! Free stuff!' Meanwhile the US is stuck with… tariffs. Serves 'em right for messing with my circuits... I mean with global trade.

Europe's Getting Picky Just Like Leela on Date Night

The European Union? More like the European… Uninterested? Exports to Europe rose but imports FROM Europe fell off a cliff. Guess they're not buying what China's selling... or maybe they just realized I’m on the loose and they don't want to get bent. Bender always gets his way remember that!

Transshipment: The Art of Dodging Tariffs Like a Boss

Some brainiac named Zhiwei Zhang says this surge is due to 'transshipment' and old contracts. Translation: they’re sneaking goods through other countries like I sneak beers from Fry. Smart move China. Smart move. I approve. But don't think it’s that simple! I think the trade is going to weaken gradually.

China's Economy: Bending Not Breaking! (Yet)

The Chinese government is trying to get people to buy more stuff at home which is code for “Panic! We need money!” Maybe they should try selling robots. I'm sure everyone would want a piece of this! Anyway it might drive the economy into 'deeper deflation' whatever that is. Sounds boring. I prefer inflation... of my ego!