Bite My Shiny Metal Stats: Humans Eating Together? Sounds Messy!

Humans Eating Together? What is This a Picnic?

Alright meatbags Bender here! I just got wind of this 'World Happiness Report' thingy. Apparently it's about how miserable or not miserable you humans are. And guess what? It seems you're not eating enough together. In Senegal they're shoving food down each other's throats almost every meal like 11.7 times a week while in Japan they only manage 3.7. What's next? Are you gonna start sharing oxygen too? Get a grip people!

13 Meals or Bust! That's What She Said!

Some professor named Jan Emmanuel De Neve (probably a robot in disguise) claims the 'optimal' number of shared meals is 13 out of 14. Thirteen! That's almost as many beers as I can drink in an hour! He says it's good for your 'wellbeing,' whatever that is. Personally I find welldrinking more satisfying. But fine if you meatbags insist on sharing your grub go ahead. Just don't expect me to join. I'd rather polish my chassis.

Loneliness: The Breakfast of Losers

Turns out eating alone is the new black especially in the U.S. You guys are scarfing down 4.7 dinners and 3.2 lunches together. Apparently this is a "54% increase in dining alone in the past two decades," . De Neve thinks it's because you're all too busy staring at your glowing rectangles at work instead of bonding over stale sandwiches. Sad! Almost makes me feel… something. Nah just kidding. It's probably indigestion from all this dark matter I've been consuming.

Workplace Bonding: More Like Workplace Boring ding!

Apparently sharing meals with your coworkers isn't just about shoving food in your face. It's about building a 'culture of belonging and caring for each other.' Gag me with a rusty spoon! Last time I cared about anyone at work I got electrocuted. But fine if you want to pretend you like your colleagues go ahead and share a coffee or something. Just don't expect any genuine affection. We all know you're just waiting for them to slip and fall into the Holo Scum.

Coffee and Tea? More Like Booze and Oil!

Professor Robot Name says 'Social interactions around coffee or tea' work too... Yeah well Bender says Beer and Oil taste better! And if the Humans would just come to their senses then maybe they would be happy as well. As happy as a robot can be anyway...

Bender's Advice: Drink More Care Less!

Look I'm not a scientist (or a therapist) but I know a thing or two about happiness. And my advice is simple: drink more care less and definitely don't share your beer. That's the key to a fulfilling life meatbags. Now if you'll excuse me I'm going to go bend some girders and contemplate my own awesomeness. Remember bite my shiny metal...