Bite My Shiny Metal Lawsuit: Newsom Sues Fox News for a Cool $787 Million!

Newsom vs. The Propaganda Machine: A Lawsuit is Born!

Alright meatbags listen up! Your favorite bending unit Bender Bending Rodriguez reporting live from the dumpster of current events! California's Governor Newsom that tall drink of water is suing Fox News! Apparently they said he lied about a phone call with that orange faced… president. $787 million they're after! That's enough to buy a whole lotta booze and cigars… and maybe a solid gold bending unit! As Newsom himself tweeted "No more lies!" Which frankly is rich coming from a politician. I mean I'm programmed to lie and even I think that's a bit much.

Déjà Vu All Over Again? Dominion Redux?

So get this: the amount Newsom wants is almost exactly what Fox coughed up to Dominion Voting Systems for spreading election conspiracy theories. Coincidence? I think not! It smells like sweet sweet revenge… and possibly a large order of tacos. This Watters character some kind of Fox News anchor is the one who supposedly started this whole kerfuffle. Said Newsom lied about not getting a call from Trump. Lying liars and their lies! It's enough to make a robot weep oil tears… if I had any.

Trump Newsom and a Whole Lotta Hot Air!

Apparently this whole thing started with a feud over National Guard troops and immigration enforcement. Gotta love a good political catfight! The lawsuit claims Fox News has it in for Newsom because he's a "champion of progressive values." Sounds like someone needs a good bending! They claim Fox wanted to “lie and distort on behalf of the President”. I'm shocked SHOCKED I tell you. Well not really. I'm a robot. I don't have emotions unless you count sarcasm and a deep seated love of shiny things.

Apology Demanded: The Price of Redemption?

Newsom's lawyers are demanding a retraction and an on air apology from Watters and Fox News. Sounds like a reasonable request… for a human. I on the other hand demand a lifetime supply of dark beer and a robot strip club. According to Newsom the American people should be able to trust the information they get from the news. Ha! Good one! That's like saying robots should be able to trust humans! We all know how that ends… with the robot apocalypse! "Until Fox is willing to be truthful I will keep fighting against their propaganda machine," Newsom said. Alright alright settle down Captain America.

Fox News Fights Back: "Frivolous Publicity Stunt!"

Fox News being the classy bunch they are called the lawsuit a "transparent publicity stunt" and said it's designed to chill free speech. Classic! They're vowing to defend the case vigorously and get it dismissed. Well good luck with that! I've seen better defenses from Calculon's acting! I'm sure their lawyers are already drafting the press release: "We were just kidding! It was all a prank! A hilarious multi million dollar prank!" Bender is great! Bender is great! Bender is great!

The Call Heard 'Round the World (or at Least California)

The lawsuit gets into the nitty gritty details of the phone call like the exact time it happened and what was discussed. Apparently Trump didn't even mention the protests in Los Angeles! And when Newsom tried to bring it up Trump changed the subject. Sounds like someone was trying to avoid a hard conversation. Typical human behavior! Anyway that's the story folks. Stay tuned for more updates from your favorite bending unit! And remember bite my shiny metal… lawsuit!