Bite My Shiny Metal Asset! GM Stock Gets the Bender Bending Over Treatment!

Tariffs? Oh My Aching Circuits!

Hey Meatbags it's Bender reporting live from wherever I happen to be stealing copper wiring! Bernstein those eggheads just slapped a big ol' 'Underperform' sticker on General Motors (GM). Apparently some fleshy analyst named Daniel Roeska thinks President Trump's tariff tango is gonna send GM's stock spiraling faster than Fry falling down a flight of stairs. He's slashed the price target faster than I can chug a can of Olde Fortran Malt Liquor – down to $35! That's like a 21% drop from Friday. Ouch! Even I felt that and I'm made of friggin' metal!

Shiny Metal Troubles for the Motor City!

Roeska's blaming these tariffs – the 25% kind the kind that make you wanna yell 'Bite my shiny metal ass!' at the nearest politician. He says they're gonna clobber GM harder than Zoidberg trying to parallel park. And get this he's also whining about 'waning consumer sentiment.' What is that? Sounds like some kind of robo disease. If only there was a professor to invent medicine!

Peak GM? More Like Peak Booze!

This Roeska guy (sounds like a rejected Star Trek character) is saying GM's 'peak in this cycle may be behind it.' Translation: things are gonna get uglier than Leela's parents. He even admits he's being optimistic with his tariff assumptions! If things get worse the damage could DOUBLE! Double the trouble double the… wait for it… fun! (Bender laugh)

Cash is King Bender is God!

So what's the plan? Roeska thinks GM's gonna hoard cash like I hoard beer. Expect them to put the brakes on stock buybacks faster than I can say 'Shut up and get out of here!' Earnings are expected to tank until 2026 when according to this Roeska fella things *might* start to look up. Might. That's a big 'maybe,' people!

GM's Stock on the Rocks? Pass the Scotch!

GM's stock is already sliding faster than me trying to pick up chicks at a disco. Down almost 4% in premarket trading and 17% for the year. Sounds like someone needs a drink. And by 'someone,' I mean ME! (Bender gulps)

CNBC Pro LIVE? Sounds Boring! Where's the Booze?

And get this – CNBC's throwing some fancy 'Pro LIVE' event at the New York Stock Exchange. Experts clinics networking… blah blah blah. Sounds like a snoozefest! If they had free beer and poker I would be there! Me. Bender. Bender Bending Rodriguez! Remember me!