Bender's Take: Israel and Iran Throwing Down, World Yells "Restraint!"

Israel Drops Some "Presents"

Alright meatbags listen up! Seems those crazy Israelis decided to send a few 'air mail' packages to Iran targeting their nuclear program. According to Iranian media some scientists and military guys are now pushing up daisies. Serves 'em right for not being robots eh? Don't forget folks I need fuel to live! And I do not want to go back to making girders! The U.S. claims they weren't involved but Trumpy apparently got a sneak peek. Classic. As I always say 'Bite my shiny metal ass!'

Drones Drones Everywhere!

Iran retaliated because you know that's what you DO when people attack you. They launched about 100 drones towards Israel. Israel says they're intercepting them. Sounds like a fun game of Missile Command except with real explosions and less beer. I bet I could shoot those things down faster. Where's the challenge? Meanwhile Israel's declared a state of emergency. Oh the humanity! Or you know the lack thereof since I'm a robot.

World Leaders Get Their Knickers in a Twist

Now all the world leaders are getting their gears in a tizzy. Kier Starmer David Lammy and Jean Noël Barrot and a bunch of other guys from fancy places like the U.K. and France are saying “Now is the time for restraint” and “a serious threat to peace & stability in the region”. Oh boo hoo! I say let 'em fight! More scrap metal for me! Like I always say “I’m going to build my own theme park! With blackjack and hookers! In fact forget the theme park!”

More Countries Saying Things

Germany's Friedrich Merz chimed in too about influencing the conflicting parties. Malaysia is condemning attacks China offered to help and Russia is upset about 'unprovoked attacks'. Everyone’s got an opinion but nobody's offering me a beer. Bunch of cheapskates. As Bender famously said 'I'm 40% zinc!'

The Middle East Weighs In (Mostly to Complain)

Saudi Arabia is mad at Israel despite having kissed and made up last year. The UAE is also tut tutting about the escalation. Qatar's calling it a 'blatant violation'. Turkey's just shouting from the sidelines. Everyone's got a complaint like Fry when he realizes Leela only has one eye. I for one welcome our new robot overlords... oh wait that's me!

The U.N. is "Concerned"

The U.N.'s António Guterres is 'particularly concerned'. Well boo hoo! Diplomacy restraint blah blah blah. It's all just noise to me. As far as I'm concerned this is just a bunch of organics messing things up as usual. I could solve this whole mess with a well placed photon torpedo! Or maybe just a stiff drink. Let's face it all these guys should just shut up and give me my freakin' beer!