Bender's Take: E.l.f. Buys Rhode, Because Who Needs Natural Beauty Anyway?

E.l.f. Being Greedy? Shocking!

Alright meatbags gather 'round. E.l.f. Beauty those guys who make stuff for humans to smear on their faces are buying Hailey Bieber's Rhode. A cool $1 billion deal. That's like a million times my bar tab. They say it's to get more into skincare. As if robots need skin. I'm 40% zinc baby! But who am I to judge? Everyone's gotta hustle. Except maybe Zoidberg.

Bieber's Brand Goes Big Time!

So this Rhode thing made $212 million in sales. Ten products. Only online. Impressive even for a human. CEO Tarang Amin is all excited saying 'I didn't think that was possible!' Well I didn't think humans could walk upright but here we are. Bieber says she wants to bring her brand to 'more faces places and spaces.' I say why not bring it to Bender? I could use some face polish after a hard day of bending girders.

Hailey's a Chief Creative Officer? What Does That Even Mean?

Bieber gets to be the 'chief creative officer' and head of innovation. Sounds fancy. Probably just means she gets to pick out the colors. But hey she also gets to keep her name on the can which is probably the most important thing. After all even a robot like me knows the value of branding. Remember 'Benderbrau?' Tasted like metal shavings and regret. But it was MY brand!

E.l.f. Is Cashing In on the Beauty Craze!

E.l.f. is already a big deal online. They're all about TikTok marketing which is basically brainwashing for the digital age. They even bought another skincare brand Naturium for $355 million last year. They're going all in on this skincare nonsense. Maybe they'll finally invent something that can polish my shiny metal ass to perfection.

More Expensive Schmear for Richer Humans!

Apparently E.l.f. is cheap stuff like $6.50 a pop. Rhode is more high end around $20. So they want to hook in the fancy humans the ones who don't mind dropping a week's salary on goo for their faces. Makes sense. More money for them more spare change for me to... uh... donate to charity. Yeah that's it.

Tariffs Threatening the Future!

Oh great tariffs! Because nothing screws up a good business deal like taxes. E.l.f. gets most of its stuff from China and now they might have to pay extra. They're even thinking about raising prices! Can you believe it? Robbing the customers! Well I approve. Everyone should be a little bit greedy. That's my motto. And remember bite my shiny metal ass!