Another Dip? Bite My Metal Ass!
Alright meatbags listen up! Bender Bending Rodriguez here ready to tell you how to make some serious dough or at least not lose all of it in this crazy stock market! Apparently the S&P 500 took a dive faster than I do when I see a brewery. Something about Trump yelling at that Powell guy at the Federal Reserve. Frankly I don't care about politics unless they involve cheaper booze.
Buffett's Wisdom: Fear and Loathing (and Profit!)
So this Warren Buffett character some old geezer says 'Be fearful when others are greedy and be greedy when others are fearful.' Sounds like my dating strategy! Everyone's panicking because the market's doing the cha cha slide but Buffett says it's time to buy. Guess what? I'm always greedy. Bender is great! Bender is great! Bender is great!
Tariffs Trade Wars and Other Things That Ruin a Good Buzz
Apparently those tariffs Trump likes so much could mess things up. Who knew? I thought tariffs were just something you paid when you smuggled in extra robot oil. Anyway some "experts" are worried about supply chains and inflation. All I know is if beer prices go up heads will roll!
Long Game? I'm Immortal Baby!
Buffett says investing is a long game. Well duh! I'm a robot; I'll outlive all of you! If you've got goals decades away just buy low when everyone else is crying into their soy burgers. Me? I'm investing in more storage space for my shiny metal ass.
The Market's Been Worse Trust Me!
The market crashed way harder back in '08. People were selling faster than I can chug a beer! But then things got better. So if things get worse don't freak out. Just buy more stocks keep your head down and maybe invest in some beer futures. You know for emergencies.
Change Careers! To What? Professional Bender?
And get this CNBC wants you to change careers! Become a garbage man a banker or a professional politician! Sure whatever. Unless they're offering a job bending girders I'm not interested. And if you want tips for success just remember this: Bite my shiny metal ass!
stock market investing Warren Buffett S&P 500 Federal Reserve Donald Trump tariffs recession financial advice Bender
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longterm
Bender for President! He'd run the country into the ground, but at least it would be entertaining.
trudiewhitty@msn.com
So, buy low and drink lots of beer. Got it.
fishyfish235
Bite my shiny metal portfolio!
welshlady79
Who needs a financial advisor when you have Bender?
sarahmichele
Is there a stock ticker for beer futures?
hanzo001
I'm going to go build my own casino...with blackjack, and hookers!