Bender's All-Weather Investment Tips: Shiny Metal AND Auto Parts!

Remember Me!

Alright meatbags it's Bender Bending Rodriguez here ready to drop some knowledge bombs on your pathetic human brains! CNBC those guys who think money grows on trees (or maybe just in their pockets) have this 'All Weather' stock list. Apparently it's supposed to survive any economic apocalypse. Well I've survived Fry's cooking so I'm pretty much an expert on surviving disasters.

Netflix and Waste? Not Bad Meatbags

So this 'All Weather' list has been a bit of a bumpy ride. Turns out when the market is doing okay stocks that are supposed to survive economic disaster… don’t do so well! Go figure. They've got Netflix on there which makes sense. Cheap entertainment for when you're too broke to buy anything else. And Waste Management? Good choice those guys will always be needed. Everybody produces garbage; It’s the ultimate growth industry.

AutoZone? Now We're Talking!

But get this they're adding AutoZone! Auto parts? Turns out when times get tough people start fixing their clunkers instead of buying new cars. Who knew? Bank of America even upgraded them saying they're a 'buy'. I always knew cars were good for something! Free rides a place to sleep and now a potential gold mine. This is better than that time I won the limbo contest!

Tariff tastic!

Tariffs those pesky taxes on imported stuff might actually HELP AutoZone. Yep you heard me right. Higher tariffs mean more expensive cars. More expensive cars mean people are stuck with their old junk heaps. And those junk heaps need parts! AutoZone wins! It's like winning the lottery only instead of money you get… more money! It's the kind of circular logic I can appreciate.

DIY or DIE!

This analyst guy Robert Ohmes says that AutoZone and its competitor O'Reilly Automotive were KILLING IT during the 2008 2009 financial crisis. People were fixing their cars themselves to save money. 'Do it yourself' became the new religion. Although I guess not new new. Just new again. This is great news for AutoZone because everyone loves a project! Especially if it involves getting their car back on the road. And saving money. And hopefully not electrocuting themselves with the car battery.

Bender's Bottom Line

So there you have it meatbags. AutoZone might be your ticket to surviving the next economic meltdown. Buy some stock learn how to change your own oil and remember "Bite my shiny metal ass!" And hey if it all goes belly up I'll just melt down my stock certificates for scrap metal. I'm 40% recyclable!