Trump's Tariffs: A Real Kick in the Baby Teeth for the Working Class, Says Some Billionaire

Oh Goody More Taxes!

Right so apparently President Trump—yes *that* Trump—decided to slap some tariffs on our trading partners. Ken Griffin a fellow who probably uses caviar as toothpaste is whining about how this is going to hurt the 'hardworking Americans.' As if any of *them* are contributing to my evil plans! He's calling it a 'painfully regressive tax.' Oh boo hoo let me play you a sad song on my tiny violin.

Tariffs? More Like 'Terrible iffs'!

These tariffs you see are like a sales tax that sneaks up on you like Mort Goldman at a nudist beach. Griffin (not the animated kind sadly) claims it's going to hit the folks who are already struggling. You know the ones who can barely afford my collection of antique teddy bears. Trump's already slapped a whopping 145% tariff on Chinese goods. China naturally retaliated because nobody likes being poked in the eye unless it's by me and for nefarious purposes of course.

Even Billionaires Can Have Buyer's Remorse!

Here's the kicker: Griffin actually *voted* for Trump and donated a wad of cash to the Republicans. I suppose he thought Trump was going to usher in an era of world peace and free cocktails which you know is what I would do when I take over the world starting with Quahog! But now he's worried that Trump's trade policy is going to tarnish the 'brand' of the United States. As if America had a 'brand' to begin with! It's like saying Brian has a brand of intelligence. Ludicrous!

Blame Biden? Classic!

Griffin the financial wizard also mentioned that Trump got elected because of Biden's 'failed economic policies' and inflation. Apparently all those folks suddenly realized they couldn't afford another round of chicken fights or whatever they do in those dreary households. 'The president really does have to focus on managing inflation,' Griffin said. Well *duh!* I could've told you that whilst concocting my latest world domination plan. It’s elementary!

Stagflation? Sounds Like a Bad '80s Band

Apparently there's a 'modest' risk of 'stagflation.' Which sounds like some kind of grotesque fusion of a stag and inflation. He thinks tariffs will cause inflation *and* slow down the economy. It’s like the economy has Brian’s IQ! How Trump's economic policies play out is crucial according to Griffin. Will it be the "shipoopi" or will it fail like Brian’s attempts to write a novel?

The Million Dollar Question (Or Maybe Billion)

So Trump's plan involves trade tax cuts and deregulation. 'The question is will all three of those come together to give us the growth that we need in our economy?' Griffin asked. The answer my friends is blowing in the wind...or more likely buried under a mountain of paperwork and political maneuvering. This is almost as complicated as my plan to construct a weather control device to hold Quahog to ransom unless I am made Dictator for Life!