Screw You Guys, I'm Not Getting My Christmas Presents! Tariffs Ruin Everything!

Christmas Creep? More Like Christmas Crap!

Listen up fat asses! For years it's been all 'Christmas creep,' getting earlier and earlier which is FINE BY ME 'cause I deserve presents year round! But now? Now they're saying there might be EMPTY shelves! EMPTY! Because of these stupid tariffs? This is not cool guys. Not cool at all!

Blame Canada! Oh Wait China...

So apparently those Chinese dudes are screwing things up. Trump slapped a 34% tariff on their crap then jacked it up to 145%! Retailers are all like 'Waaah we can't order anything!' and factories are all 'Waaah we gotta stop makin' stuff!' It's a freakin' disaster! But like Cartman always does I will win! I will get all the presents!

Respect My Authoritah... and My Presents!

Some stupid 'expert' named Cameron Johnson says if they don't get their act together we're gonna miss Black Friday AND Christmas! Dude I need my Xbox Series X and all the new games. This is not negotiable! Besides retailers are realizing that stopping the supply chains will make it much more difficult to get them up and running again. You don't say! Like the great Cartman says 'Whatever I do what I want!'

Aldik Home? More Like Aldik HOLY CRAP!

This store in LA Aldik Home gets like 95% of their crap from China. The manager Bryan Gold (what a stupid name) says he's expecting eight shipping containers of Christmas stuff! But now he's facing a MILLION dollar customs bill! A MILLION! And guess who's gonna pay for it? YOU the consumer! I'm not paying for ANYTHING especially not some stupid tariffs!

Stockpiling and Shrinking Shipments? Sounds Like My Mom's Pantry!

Apparently these idiots were stockpiling stuff in anticipation of the tariffs. China's exports even went up for a while. But now? The number of ships leaving China is DOWN! Cancelled shipments are SKYROCKETING! It's a freakin' mess I tell you. And what about my needs?!

Timing it Right? More Like Timing My Exit When the Shelves are Empty!

Some businesses are trying to 'time' the tariff relief. But some toy company Toysmith wants you to order by May 16th to avoid the tariffed pricing. I want Walmart and Target to resume production. If there's a trade breakthrough there's gonna be a rush and prices will go UP! This is all a big conspiracy to screw ME over! But I'll get my presents! I always do. You will respect my authoritah!