One MILLION Dollars! Fed Eases Bank Rules, World Domination Slightly Easier

Release the Ill Advised Financial Kraken!

Alright alright ALRIGHT! Dr. Evil here reporting live from my volcano lair (it's getting a bit drafty anyone got a space heater?). So the Federal Reserve those guys who control the money (and therefore MY MONEY!) have decided to ease up on some rules for the big banks. Apparently they've been hoarding too much capital. Too much! Can you believe it? It's like having too much shrimp at a shrimp cocktail party. Preposterous! I need those banks to be taking risks people! Risks that can lead to… PROFIT! And then world domination! One MILLION dollars!

Enhanced Supplementary Leverage Ratio? Sounds Like a Death Ray!

This whole thing revolves around something called the 'enhanced supplementary leverage ratio.' Sounds like something I'd use to vaporize Austin Powers doesn't it? But no it's just about how much money banks need to keep in reserve. Apparently after the financial crisis (which by the way I totally called!) they made banks keep a lot. But now Wall Street executives and some folks at the Fed are saying 'Meh too much! Let's loosen the purse strings!' And by loosening the purse strings I mean giving themselves bigger bonuses.

Jerome Powell: He's No Mini Me

Jerome Powell the Fed chair says it's 'prudent' to reconsider the original approach. Prudent! That's not very EVIL is it? Where's the ambition? The maniacal laughter? The unnecessarily complicated plan involving sharks with lasers?! He says banks have too many safe assets and it's making the leverage ratio too 'binding.' I don't know what that means exactly but it sounds like they're finally understanding what I've been saying all along: Money is the root of all evil! Muhahaha! I mean... good! Good for the economy!

A 5 2 Vote: Even My Henchmen Agree More!

So the Fed board voted 5 2 to approve this plan. Five to two! Even my henchmen Number Two and Frau Farbissina agree more often than that on which flavor of ice cream to put on my evil waffle cones. Anyway this means big banks will have to hold less capital. Like $13 billion less for holding companies and $210 billion less for subsidiaries. That's a lot of money for... activities. Let's just leave it at that.

The Dissenters: Buzzkills Plain and Simple

Of course there are always those who want to spoil the fun. Governors Kugler and Barr (no relation to Roseanne I presume) are against the move. Barr says banks will just use the extra capital to 'distribute to shareholders and engage in the highest return activities available to them.' Well duh! That's the whole point! What else are they going to do with it? Fund charities? Please! This is about maximizing evil... I mean shareholder value! They're penalizing these banks for holding Treasuries!

Aligning with Basel: Where's Basil Exposition When You Need Him?

Apparently this whole thing is supposed to align with something called 'Basel standards.' Sounds like a really boring international conference where they talk about... standards. Yawn! I'd rather be launching my next ridiculous plan to hold the world hostage for... well I haven't decided yet. Maybe just a really really big bag of Skittles. Anyway this easing of bank rules could lead to more risks in the financial system. More risks! Which of course is music to my evil ears. One MILLION dollars! And maybe a Mini Me clone of Jerome Powell... for laughs.