GameStop Plummets, Quantum Leaps, and Musk's Twitter Trauma: Doctor Evil's Market Mayhem Report!

Game Over Man! GameStop's Woeful Numbers

Alright minions gather 'round! GameStop's shares have slipped a pathetic 4%. A measly 4%! Honestly that's barely worth eviscerating a kitten over. Their first quarter revenue is down to $732.4 million from $881.8 million last year. Dr. Evil is NOT impressed. I mean come on people! Is nobody buying video games anymore? What is this 1997? This is simply not groovy.

Tesla's Triumphant Return: A Billion Dollars!

Ah Tesla you magnificent beast! The electric car company is up 1.7%. Not bad not bad at all... but not a billion dollars! This after the whole Elon Musk vs. Donald Trump Twitter debacle. Honestly those two are like Austin and me constantly battling it out except less… shagadelic! Musk even apologized! Regrets! Can you imagine me Doctor Evil regretting my perfectly laid plans for world domination? Never!

Quantum Leap: A Technological Inflection Point!

Quantum computing is on the rise! Nvidia's CEO Jensen Huang says it's reaching an inflection point. Inflection Point! Sounds almost… evil. Shares of Quantum Computing are up 7% while Rigetti Computing and IonQ popped more than 4% and 3% respectively. D Wave Quantum added close to 2%. Two percent! Do you know how long it would take me to dominate the world with only 2% growth?! About 1000 years! Although the future is uncertain it is worth billions! hahahha!

Sunrun's Solar Setback: Undercutting the Competition!

Sunrun's solar stock dropped 6.1% after Jefferies downgraded it. Apparently they might face headwinds if residential solar initiatives don't make the federal budget. Honestly who needs solar power when you've got a giant laser pointed at the Earth? Am I right? Right? Hello?

BILL Holdings: Downgraded and Disappointed

BILL Holdings is down 1.7% after Morgan Stanley downgraded it. They're now less convinced of their bullish thesis. Thesis! Sounds like something I’d write before unleashing my latest doomsday device. Though not as dangerous still worth billions!

Dave & Buster's: Almost a Win (But Not Quite)

Dave & Buster's shares jumped more than 7%! Yes! That's more like it! Though they missed analyst estimates their comparable store sales dropped less than expected. Their CEO Kevin Sheehan is encouraged. Encouraged! I’d be ecstatic celebrating with sharks with freaking laser beams attached to their heads if I was him. Baby!