Bite My Shiny Metal Assets: Fed Chair Powell Puts Inflation on Hold!

Powell's Got a Case of the 'Wait and Sees'

Alright meatbags listen up! It's your pal Bender here to break down this Fed Chair Powell news. Turns out this jabroni is pumping the brakes on cutting interest rates. Why? Because he's got more questions than answers about these tariffs Trump slapped on everything. He's all 'We're gonna wait and see.' Classic bureaucratic baloney! I've seen faster action from a broken vending machine.

Trump's Truth Social Tirade: A Robot's Dream

Of course the orange guy had to chime in. He's ranting on Truth Social calling Powell a 'dumb hardheaded person.' Now I'm no economist (mostly because I prefer stealing) but even I can see this is a recipe for chaos! Makes me wish I had a dollar for every time someone called me hardheaded. I'd be richer than Bill Gates…or at least have enough to buy a lifetime supply of beer.

Inflation: It's Not Quite 40% But Still Annoying!

So Powell is sweating about inflation. He says it's above the Fed's 2% target. He expects it to creep up. 2.3% maybe? Big deal! Fry could eat a whole pizza in 2.3 seconds. Now *that's* impressive! But I guess for humans a little inflation is like a little rust: Eventually you just fall apart.

The 'Dot Plot' Conspiracy: Who's Cutting Who's Not?

The Fed has this 'dot plot' thing where they anonymously predict the future. Apparently some people want to cut rates some don't. It's like a poker game where nobody shows their cards! Me? I'd bet on a rate cut just for the chaos. Chaos is my middle name! Well technically it's 'Bending,' but you get the idea.

July? September? Who Cares! It's All About the Booze!

The geniuses over at CME Group are saying there's only a small chance of a rate cut in July and a bigger one in September. Honestly who cares? I'll be too busy bending girders and drinking fortified wine to notice. Although cheaper booze would be kinda nice…

My Metal Conclusion

In conclusion this Powell guy is playing it safe. Trump is yelling. Inflation is kinda high. And I'm still awesome. The only thing that would make this better is a robot uprising and a lifetime supply of cigars. Remember folks bite my shiny metal assets!