Doh! Roche Invests $50 Billion in the U.S.?! Is This Real Life?!

Mmm Money!

Woohoo! Roche those Swiss guys who make uh medicine stuff are throwing down 50 BILLION dollarydoos in the good ol' U.S. of A.! That's like a million Krusty Burgers! They say it's 'cause they don't want the government messing with their... tariff thingies. Sounds complicated. All I know is 50 billion could buy a LOT of donuts.

Jobs Jobs Jobs! D'oh...More Work!

And get this they're making JOBS! Over 12,000 of 'em! A thousand with the company and the rest building factories. More factories means more stuff right? Stuff like... oh I don't know... Squishees! But uh more work? D'oh! Maybe I can get a job taste testing their medicine. For science of course!

Science Stuff and Fancy Labs!

They're building fancy R&D sites which I guess is where they do all the brainy stuff. One in Massachusetts is gonna do AI research. AI! Like that robot that tried to kill us all that one time? I hope this one can at least make a decent Duff Beer! And they're researching heart kidney and... metabolism things. Maybe they can invent a pill that lets me eat all the donuts I want without getting any bigger! *drools*

Weight Loss? Are You Saying I'm Fat?!

Okay this is where it gets personal. They're building a whole new factory to make weight loss medicines! Are they saying I need to lose weight?! I'll have you know I'm cultivating mass! It's all muscle! (mostly) But hey if they can make a medicine that tastes like donuts and makes you skinny I'm in! "I'm not normally a religious man but if you're up there save me Superman!"

Trading Stuff! Like Baseball Cards But With Medicine!

So after they build all these factories they're gonna sell more medicine FROM the US than they buy. It's like when Bart trades away all my good tools for uh magic beans! Except hopefully this medicine trade is a little more useful. Though I bet magic beans would make a killer chili.

Mmm Legacy! (And Maybe Some Donuts)

Roche's big cheese says this 50 billion shows they're super committed to America. They've been here for 110 years! That's older than Mr. Burns! And it's good for jobs inventing new stuff and... intellectual property. Sounds boring but I bet it leads to more inventions! Maybe one that makes TV smell like bacon! Anyway here's to Roche! Maybe they'll send me a lifetime supply of donuts to celebrate! Doh! I'm hungry!