Screw You Guys, I'm Slapping Tariffs on Everyone! Trump's Car Wars Are Here!

Whateva! Trump's New Rules!

Alright listen up you guys! It's Eric Cartman here and I'm reporting on the totally unfair crap that's going down with these stupid car companies! Apparently President Trump – yeah the guy who's almost as awesome as me – has decided to slap massive tariffs on everyone! I'm talking 20% on Europe 24% on Japan and a whopping 49% on Cambodia! Seriously Cambodia? What are they even exporting rice rockets? Anyway these tariffs are hitting harder than when Kyle tries to steal my cheesy poofs. This is serious!

Respect My Authoritah... And My Tariffs!

So like last week Trump put a 25% charge on ALL foreign cars coming into America. That's like telling Kyle he can't have any of my birthday cake! Unacceptable! And he's not stopping there! He's gonna put tariffs on car parts too probably because he's jealous of my sweet Big Wheel. The White House says it's to protect American jobs but I think it's just because Trump wants a solid gold Hummer. Either way this is gonna screw everyone!

Stupid German Car Companies!

Those stupid German car companies are crying like babies! Volkswagen Mercedes BMW – they're all losing money faster than I lose respect for Kyle! Some fancy analyst dude said they're the most exposed probably because they sell a gazillion cars to the US every year. Now they're all whining about having to raise prices and maybe even lay off people. Oh boo hoo cry me a river! Maybe they should've seen this coming you know? It's like they don't even watch the news. Dumbasses.

Screw You Guys I'm Going Home... To China!

China's not happy either which is hilarious! They're all like "We're gonna take resolute and forceful measures!" Good luck with that commies! But seriously this whole trade war thing is gonna mess up the car industry big time. All these companies rely on parts from everywhere and now it's all gonna be more expensive. It's like trying to make chili without chili! Utter chaos!

Cheesy Poofs This Is Getting Serious!

So what's gonna happen? Well car companies are already raising prices pausing shipments and maybe even closing factories! One analyst says that German carmakers are gonna get hit hard but it's not a total disaster yet. He thinks they should focus on selling more cars in Europe and other places. Which duh! It's like telling me to eat more cheesy poofs! Everyone knows that!

Blame Canada... And Mexico!

Apparently BMW and Mercedes are the biggest exporters of cars from the US so they're gonna get hit the hardest by these retaliatory tariffs. Double ouch! They could face tariffs on cars made in Mexico and Canada too. But some other analyst chick says they can just switch to making cars in Europe instead. Which okay sounds easy enough but I bet it costs a fortune. These companies are so screwed! This is better than the time Kyle got diarrhea at Kenny's party!