Groovy, Baby! UK Economy Gets a 'Shagadelic' Boost! (Yeah!)

One Point Two Percent Baby! Yeah!

Alright minion! Listen up! The UK that little island nation that Austin Powers seems so fond of has actually done something... *positive*? Can you believe it? Apparently retail sales jumped a whopping 1.2% in April! One point two percent! That's practically... well it's not a million dollars but it's *something*. And that's what we are focusing on my evil friends. Perhaps all those double decker buses are finally paying off! What's that? The double decker bus company is in shambles? I see... Never mind! Just keep writing minion.

Consumer Confidence? Is That Like 'Self Esteem' for Wallets?

And get this people are actually feeling *better* about their economic prospects! Consumer confidence is up! Up I say! It's like they've all had a collective dose of... well not my evil mind control serum because that would make them *my* puppets. But something equally... *mind altering*. Perhaps the Ministry of Silly Walks is actually generating revenue for them? I shudder at the possibilities! We must stop the silly walks. They are not evil enough!

Seven Percent! That's Almost As Much As My Evil Plans Fail!

But wait there's more! Those pesky British regulators – those folks who are supposed to stop me from unleashing my freeze ray! – have actually done something… *beneficial*? They're dropping electricity prices by 7% in July. Seven percent! That's almost as much as my plans have failed! Maybe this is how I get them to drop their guard and become my allies? I'll call that Plan oh I don't know maybe 'Plan Power Cut Turned Power Grab!' Yeah baby!

Global Trade War? Sounds Like My Kind of Party!

Of course that Donald Trump fellow with his trade war might throw a wrench in the works. But hey a little chaos never hurt anyone... except you know the global economy. Maybe this is his evil plan all along? Now I want to know who is truly evil? I need a good rival. Number Two start researching and do the numbers!

Retail Therapy: The Only Cure for the Common Brit!

Apparently the Brits have resorted to 'retail therapy' to cope with their woes. Depressed consumers finding solace in shopping! Makes perfect sense doesn't it? It's like buying happiness... with credit cards! I should have thought of that! A worldwide chain of 'Evil Retail Therapy' stores... brilliant! We will sell plush dolls of ourselves. They will love it!

The Empire Strikes Back... with Optimism!

So is the UK economy poised for a major comeback? Maybe. Or maybe it's just a temporary blip before I Doctor Evil unleash my next fiendish plan! Stay tuned because things are about to get... *shagadelic*! And by shagadelic I mean evil! Mwahahaha!