Good News, Everyone! Oil Prices Jump as U.S. and Iran Get Punchy!

Fry's Gonna Need a Bigger Wallet

Alright meatbags Leela here reporting live from... well Earth. Specifically the part where we're all about to pay more for gas than a trip to the moon (which by the way I've done. NBD). Seems like the U.S. decided to jump into the Iran Israel slap fight and the oil market's having a conniption. Oil futures are up 3% which in layman's terms means you'll be paying extra to fuel up your hovercar. 'Why?' you ask? Because the U.S. decided to poke the bear... or in this case three Iranian nuclear sites. Good news everyone!

Strait Outta Hormuz!

Now Iran's all riled up and threatening to close the Strait of Hormuz. This is bad people. Real bad. That's the little water road where 20% of the world's oil goes to market. Marco Rubio (whoever THAT is) warned 'em not to but you know how those 'all options on the table' folks are. Makes me wish I had more than one eye sometimes so I could keep a better watch on this mess. Looks like the Professor is going to need to invent a way to make our hovercars run on dark matter again...

China's Got a Dog in This Fight (Probably a Robot One)

So who's sweating the most over this? China apparently. They get a big ol' chunk of their oil through that Strait. Rubio's practically begging them to call up Iran and say 'Hey knock it off!' Makes you wonder if maybe we should have just let them handle it from the start. Less boom boom more Kung Pao chicken right? Plus maybe those robot dogs will take over and solve the problem. One can dream!

Remember Libya? Buckle Up!

Remember that time we went to that wretched hive of scum and villainy? The article implies that this whole mess could destabilize Iran even further kinda like what happened to Libya after that whole Gaddafi thing. Which means... even less oil! Hooray! Maybe now's the time to invest in that solar powered pogo stick I saw advertised on the internet.

Saudi Arabia: Just Watching from the Sidelines (For Now)

Saudi Arabia is 'deeply concerned.' Translation: They're making popcorn and watching the fireworks. They got attacked back in '19 blamed Iran and now they're all diplomatic again? I don't trust 'em. Reminds me of Bender pretending to be a human; always something shady going on beneath the surface.

Panic Not! Or Maybe Do. I Don't Care I'm Just the Messenger

The International Energy Agency says they're 'ready to act' and have 1.2 billion barrels of emergency oil stockpiled. Which is great I guess. But let's be honest 1.2 billion barrels is probably just enough to get Bender through a Tuesday. So in conclusion prepare to pay more for gas blame the government and maybe start learning how to ride a giant space slug. It's the future after all!