Good Heavens! Oil Prices Skyrocket After Israel Gives Iran a Sound Spanking!

Blast Off! (Literally)

Oh jolly good! It seems Israel in a fit of pique—or perhaps a moment of uncharacteristic bravery—has decided to poke the Iranian bear with a rather large stick! Airstrikes you say? Against nuclear facilities? My word this is more exciting than the time I tried to build a weather controlling device and accidentally turned Quahog into a giant block of cheese! Crude oil futures naturally have gone absolutely bonkers. It's like that time Brian tried to day trade Dogecoin – utter chaos darling utter chaos!

Netanyahu's Naughty List

Benjamin Netanyahu that chap with the hairpiece that rivals my own ambitions for world domination has declared a 'targeted military operation.' Apparently Iran's nuclear and ballistic missile program was on his 'to do' list right after 'perfect my evil laugh' and 'find a decent tailor.' He claims they've hit the Natanz enrichment site those meddling nuclear scientists and the heart of Iran's ballistic missile scheme. Honestly it's like watching an episode of 'Inspector Gadget,' only with slightly higher stakes.

Uncle Sam's Got Nothing To Do With This!

Marco Rubio bless his cotton socks has made it abundantly clear that this was a solo mission by Israel. The U.S. he claims wasn't involved. 'We are not involved in strikes against Iran and our top priority is protecting American forces in the region,' he said. Oh please! As if anyone believes that. It's like when Brian says he hasn't been digging through my things—utter balderdash! Rubio warns Iran against targeting U.S. interests – as if Iran would listen now! It's like asking Brian not to drink all the scotch.

Incoming!!

In anticipation of Iran launching a retaliatory missile and drone attack Israel's Defense Minister has declared a state of emergency. Oh joy! Just what the world needs: more explosions and geopolitical angst. It’s like when Meg tries to offer helpful advice you know it's going to end badly.

Oil Prices Go Ka Ching!

The oil markets are in a tizzy darling. Apparently they’re worried Iran will retaliate by attacking Israeli or American targets leading to a major military escalation and a potential oil supply disruption according to some bloke named Andy Lipow. "Iran knows full well that President Donald Trump is focused on lower energy prices," Lipow told CNBC. Well aren't we all? It's like when Lois tries to cut back on spending; it never lasts does it?

Wake Up Call Sleepyheads!

Saul Kavonic of MST Marquee says these recent developments are a 'wake up call' that geopolitical risks are more 'tangible and imminent' than many expect. Well duh! It's like discovering that Brian actually *does* have fleas—a nasty surprise indeed. Kavonic also cautions that these airstrikes may embolden hardline elements in Iran. Oh splendid! More chaos. More mayhem. More reason for me to perfect my world domination plan! Now where did I put that ray gun...