Crikey! Oil Prices Surge as Israel Gives Iran a Naughty Nudge

Blast Off Literally!

Good heavens what's this? It appears Israel has decided to give Iran a rather… forceful reminder about their nuclear ambitions. Airstrikes you say? Oh this is juicier than one of Brian's rejected novels! Apparently after Israel launched airstrikes against Iran the oil prices have jumped more than four dollars a barrel. Now if that isn't a pickle I don't know what is! Time to stock up on caviar eh? And perhaps a new laser gun just in case.

Targeted Naughtiness

According to Benjamin Netanyahu this was a "targeted military operation." Sounds rather like my attempts to get rid of Rupert doesn't it? He claims they hit Iran's nuclear enrichment site at Natanz. One has to wonder are they using those newfangled missiles I designed? Probably not. Still one can dream of world domination one oil price spike at a time.

Uncle Sam's Hands Are Clean…ish

Marco Rubio – or as I like to call him 'The Diplomatic Drone' – insists that the U.S. wasn't involved. “We are not involved in strikes against Iran and our top priority is protecting American forces in the region,” he drones on. Right. As if I believe that. Though I will say Trump chimed in with "They should have done it!" Oh honestly does anyone take that orange buffoon seriously?

OPEC IEA OMG!

OPEC's Monthly Oil Market Report – sounds thrilling doesn't it? – says Iranian production was at 3.305 million barrels per day in April. The International Energy Agency (IEA) is flapping about saying they have 1.2 billion barrels of emergency stock. Honestly it’s like watching a bunch of caffeinated squirrels trying to solve a Rubik's Cube. “Markets are well supplied today but we're ready to act if needed,” says IEA Executive Director Fatih Birol. Well good for you Fatih! Now fetch me my binky.

The Strait of Hormuz: More Like the Strait of Panic!

Ah the Strait of Hormuz that pesky chokepoint where one fifth of the world's oil supply slithers through. Apparently Iran could leverage it but Ellen Wald from Washington Ivy Advisors says they won't because China will give them a stern talking to. Imagine that – China the world's nanny! It's like Lois trying to discipline me after I’ve just vaporized the mailman. Utterly pointless.

No Need to Panic... Yet!

Wald assures us that this isn't as severe as when Russia invaded Ukraine. “It's just not that significant a threat to oil supplies,” she says. Oh jolly good! So we're just dealing with a minor geopolitical kerfuffle that could slightly inconvenience the world economy. Pass the brandy then. Things could be worse I suppose. I could be stuck watching another one of Chris's brain dead antics.