Doh! KindlyMD Goes Crypto Crazy: From Opioids to Oh-No-Its!

Mmm Money!

Woohoo! Looks like those folks at KindlyMD the ones who usually help people kick those bad bad… uh… pain pills (D'oh! I almost forgot what they do!) have gone totally bonkers! They've merged with some crypto dudes at Nakamoto Holdings. Apparently some smarty pants named David Bailey who hangs out with President Trump (huh must be why he likes gold so much not green!) is behind the whole thing. They got get this like a zillion dollars – $200 million in debt and $510 million in… fresh capital? Is that like money that smells good? I hope it smells like donuts!

Shiny New Shares!

So apparently they're selling shares for about the price of a frosty chocolate milkshake (but probably not as tasty). Bailey says the notes convert at like a REALLY high number. It's all numbers to me but if it means free beer and donuts I'm in! He even bragged that he's raising $100 million a day! If I had that kind of money I'd buy every donut in Springfield! Mmm donuts… and maybe a new TV.

Who's Who of Crypto land!

And get this even a ton of fancy people with names like Adam Back and Balaji Srinivasan are throwing money at it. It's like a 'Who's Who' of people who talk about bitcoin at parties. Even some guy from Mexico named Ricardo Salinas is involved. Sounds like a spicy party south of the border... mmm spicy!

KindlyMD's Big Bet

The legal eagle on the deal Constantine Karides (huh?) called it 'transformational'. Whatever that means I hope it transforms into more Duff Beer in my fridge. Even though KindlyMD is all about helping people with… uh… the pain pill problem Bailey says their team were bitcoin fanatics all along. So basically they're switching from fighting pain to chasing… well other pain. Digital pain that is! D'oh!

Goodbye KindlyMD Hello… Bitcoin!

Turns out they're even going to change their name and ticker symbol! Goodbye KDLY hello… uh… something crypto y. And they want to buy up all sorts of other bitcoin companies. Their CEO Tim Pickett says it's a 'strategic leap'. Sounds like something Bart would do off the couch. But Pickett promises that KindlyMD will keep helping people with… uh… their problems with pills. So I guess it’s good news for everyone. Unless bitcoin crashes. Then D’OH!

Bitcoin to the Moon!

Bailey wants to make sure they get more bitcoin per share. I don't know what that means but if it means more money it sounds good! He even compares himself to some guy named Michael Saylor. Apparently this Saylor guy turned his company into a big ol' bitcoin bank. Bailey says he wants to do that but like even more better! 'Strategy squared' he calls it. This sounds like something that could either be really smart... or really stupid. Like when I tried to build a nuclear reactor in the backyard. D'oh! Well as they say “If something’s hard to do then it’s not worth doing.”