Ripples of Ruin: Trump Eyes Iranian Nuclear Sites, Do I Smell an Opportunity?

Thirty Thousand Pounds of Trouble Mwahahaha!

So it seems Donald Trump bless his orange little heart is thinking about dropping a 30,000 pound bomb on Iran. A GBU 57 Massive Ordnance Penetrator no less! Now *that’s* what I call a weapon of mass… well you get the idea. Built inside a mountain? Reinforced by layers of concrete? Sounds like my kind of lair only way less chic. Of course the U.S. is the only country with the aircraft capable of transporting and deploying it: the B2 Spirit stealth bomber. Stealth bomber baby!

Unconditional Surrender? Sounds a Bit Draconian Don't You Think?

Trump is demanding Iran's "unconditional surrender". Honestly that’s a bit harsh even for me! And threatening to assassinate Ayatollah Ali Khamenei? That's...distasteful. Though I must admit the man's got a point! Khamenei fired back threatening “irreparable damage.” Oh this is getting good! Remember if you throw one hook punch you gotta be prepared for the counter punch.

Fordo: The Fortress of...Nukey ness!

This Fordo plant sounds delightful. Deep inside a mountain impenetrable to all but the mightiest of bombs. It’s like a supervillain’s dream home! But even with a bunker buster they might need to drop TWO of those bad boys! I mean honestly you gotta drop two you gotta drop two! I mean who is gonna drop one?

Wider War? Oh Behave!

Of course striking Iran could trigger a response. Maybe they'll attack U.S. bases embassies... and perhaps they'll even come after my underground lair... or maybe I'll buy one in space! The article suggests this could drag the U.S. into a protracted air campaign. Excellent! The more chaos the better. Makes it easier to sell overpriced weapons to both sides. A million dollars!

Psychological Warfare: My Favorite Flavor!

Even if the bunker buster doesn't do wide scale damage it’ll have a “profound psychological effect” on the Iranians. Ha! Psychological warfare is my specialty! After all sharks with frickin’ laser beams attached to their heads are all about the psychological impact.

Regime Change? Now We're Talking!

Israel wants regime change in Iran. *Now* we’re talking! I could get behind that! A new regime means new opportunities for… shall we say “entrepreneurial endeavors?” The conflict might end when Iran can’t make nukes anymore. But as the article points out even if Fordo is destroyed Trump won’t bomb away Iran’s knowledge of nukes. And that's what really matters. Knowledge is power… and power is EVIL!