Oil Prices Plunge! Is My Evil Plan Finally Working?

One Million Dollars... er Two Percent Drop!

People people people! Settle down! Oil prices are down! Down I say! A whole two percent which is like what *checks notes*... two hundredths of one million dollars? Not quite enough to buy a moon base but a promising start! Apparently it's all Trump's fault with his… *ugh*… tariffs. But who am I to complain? Chaos is good! Chaos is evil's foreplay! Mwahahaha!

OPEC? More Like O PEC uliar!

And then there's OPEC! Those blithering idiots! Increasing production? Are they trying to sabotage my… I mean *their*… own profits? It's almost as if they're secretly working for me! Or maybe they just need a new evil genius to guide them. I'm available. For a small fee. Say… one *million* dollars!

Tariffs: The Root of All Evil (And Economic Downturns)

So these tariffs… they're causing all sorts of problems. JPMorgan those party poopers are saying there's a 60% chance of a recession! Sixty percent! That's almost as high as my approval rating amongst supervillains! But hey maybe a good recession is just what the world needs. You know to shake things up. And make it easier for me to take over! Mwahahaha!

Bank of America? More Like Bank of In accuracy!

Bank of America says the trade war is cutting oil demand growth in half leading to an “eye watering” surplus. Eye watering! That's almost as dramatic as the time I lost Mini Me! They're predicting a surplus of 1.25 million barrels per day. That's enough to fuel oh I don't know... My giant laser cannon pointed at the moon!

Goldman Sachs: Naysayers of Nefariousness!

Even Goldman Sachs is getting in on the doom and gloom! They've lowered their oil price forecast! For *2025*! Who cares about 2025? I'll probably have taken over the world by then! Though I suppose a cheaper world economy does make it easier to acquire for one mere million dollars....

Shale Companies? More Like 'Shale' We Cut Production?

And now the shale companies are in trouble! Apparently $60 a barrel is too low! They might have to cut production! Good! Less competition for my… *ahem*… completely legitimate and environmentally friendly oil business. Soon they will come begging for my genius and I shall reply ONE MILLION DOLLARS!