JPMorgan Caves! Finally Embracing Bitcoin (Even Though I Think It's Worthless, Muahahaha!)

One Million Dollars!

Alright you groovy cats and kittens! It's your favorite evil genius Dr. Evil reporting LIVE from my volcano lair! News has reached my ears that JPMorgan Chase led by that stick in the mud Jamie Dimon is FINALLY letting its clients buy Bitcoin! Can you believe it? After all the smack talk! It's like Mini Me trying to reach the cookie jar – inevitable! And to think I was THIS close to freezing their assets with my Ice Beam 2000! Foiled again!

Worthless? Says Who?

Dimon bless his little Luddite heart is still moaning about Bitcoin being used for 'sex trafficking terrorism' – the usual boogeyman stuff. He even compared it to smoking! 'I don't think you should smoke but I defend your right to smoke.' Oh Jamie you crack me up! It's like saying I defend your right to have a bad hair day but I'll still try to steal your mojo. And I STILL maintain that my sharks with frickin' laser beams attached to their heads are a better investment!

Pet Rock or Future Gold?

Remember when Dimon called Bitcoin a 'pet rock' at Davos? Hilarious! Almost as funny as when Number Two suggested we sell our company to Apple for 'billions'. Billions Austin! We're talking TRILLIONS! And while that Pick fellow over at Morgan Stanley is tip toeing into crypto I Doctor Evil am contemplating accepting Bitcoin for ransoms. Imagine 'Give me one MILLION Bitcoins…or I'll blow up the moon!'

Trump Card

And now with Trump back in office all the anti crypto regulations are going BYE BYE! It's like Christmas at the Evil Lair! Finally some common sense! But of course banks still need permission from the Federal Reserve to play directly with crypto firms. Bureaucracy! It's almost as evil as… myself! Almost.

Accounting Rule SAB 121!

SAB 121 has been REPEALED! REPEALED I SAY! That means banks can now custody crypto. I still think this is all just a distraction though. It's like when I told Austin Powers that I was from Belgium and he didn't believe me. Except in this case the wool isn't being pulled over MY eyes!

Laser Beams on Bitcoin

So there you have it folks! JPMorgan Chase has succumbed to the inevitable. Bitcoin is here to stay whether Dimon likes it or not. And I Doctor Evil will be watching… plotting… and maybe even buying a few satoshis myself! Muahahahaha! Prepare the sharks!