GENIUS Act Passes Senate: One Step Closer to World Domination... I Mean, Stablecoins!

The Senate Strikes! (But Not in a Cool Evil Lair Kind of Way)

So the Senate those blithering idiots... I mean *esteemed* representatives have passed something called the 'GENIUS Act.' Sounds like something I would name one of my diabolical plans doesn't it? Except this one involves...stablecoins? Honestly I barely understand it. It's like trying to explain the intricacies of a frickin' laser beam to Number Two. But apparently it's a big deal for the crypto world. And possibly for a certain orange haired individual who shall remain nameless...unless you want a frickin' laser beam pointed at *you*.

One Million Dollars... For Crypto Lobbying!

Apparently this 'crypto industry' spent a whopping $250 million influencing these politicians. A quarter of a billion!?!? Why didn't *I* think of that? All I ever did was build elaborate doomsday devices! Next time I'm just gonna bribe Congress. It's clearly more efficient. But don't get me wrong I did consider putting my image on crypto coins. The evil and powerful Doctor Evil coin I think it could be a HIT! Maybe I still will... Mwahahaha!

Treasury Secretary: A Future of Two... Trillion Dollars!

The Treasury Secretary some guy named Scott Bessent thinks the stablecoin market could reach $2 trillion. Two *trillion* dollars! That's almost enough to hold the world ransom! Although I'd probably just ask for one million dollars. Because you know inflation. Plus let's be honest I was never very good with numbers. Remember when I demanded 'one meeeellion dollars'? Everyone laughed but who's laughing now? (Okay probably still them. But I'll get them! Mwahahaha!)

House of Horrors... I Mean Representatives

Now this GENIUS Act has to go through the House. And they have their own version called 'STABLE.' Apparently they can't even agree on who should regulate these things. Honestly it's all just a bunch of bureaucratic mumbo jumbo. I mean who cares as long as I can get my hands on that sweet sweet crypto money? Maybe I should launch my own evil cryptocurrency? 'EvilCoin'? 'DoomBucks'? I'll workshop it.

Stablecoins: The Threat to Legacy Payment Rails!

These stablecoins offer instant settlement and lower fees. The middle men like those pesky payment companies! Just like I tried to freeze the world. Well now there are better and less dramatic ways to disrupt legacy systems. Finally! I approve of disrupting legacy rails and doing my best to bring them to their knees! Mwahahaha!

Trump's Crypto Fortune: The Ultimate Heel Turn!

And of course there's that orange guy Trump. Turns out he's raking in millions from this crypto stuff. A billion dollars!?! That's outrageous! He's becoming the new Doctor Evil! Wait a minute... maybe we can team up! Think of the possibilities! We could hold the world hostage with... meme coins! Genius! Absolute genius! Mini Me get on the phone! We need to schedule a summit with this... Trump character.