Good Heavens! The Labor Market Still Lives!

Bah! Employment Figures Defy My Expectations

Well this is simply dreadful! It appears the Bureau of Labor Statistics has released figures showing an increase of 139,000 nonfarm payrolls in May. Honestly must everything be so pedestrian? One expects a bit more drama a catastrophic plunge perhaps something to truly stir the loins! Instead we get this… stability. Disgraceful!

The Unemployment Rate Remains Unchanged

The unemployment rate remains a pathetic 4.2%. Utterly predictable! And the broader measure including the 'discouraged workers'—oh the melodrama!—also unchanged at 7.8%. Honestly these numbers are about as exciting as Brian's poetry. I expected more creativity out of them.

Paychecks Get a Small Boost Finally!

At least there is a glimmer of hope! Worker pay actually increased. Average hourly earnings rose by 0.4% in May and 3.9% year over year. It is not quite enough to fund my global domination plans but I suppose it’s a start. Now if only I could convince Rupert to get a job… that would be a step in the right direction!

Healthcare and Hospitality – The Unsung Heroes?

It seems nearly half of the job growth came from healthcare adding 62,000 jobs with leisure and hospitality contributing 48,000 more. Well at least someone is being productive. Perhaps I should invest in a hospital or a hotel. The possibilities are endless! Who needs a death ray when you have hospitality?

Government Sheds Jobs Quelle Horreur!

Of course it couldn't all be sunshine and rainbows could it? The government lost 22,000 jobs. Apparently this Trump fellow and Elon Musk are trying to cull the federal workforce. A questionable decision but then again what else is new? Frankly the world is filled with buffoons.

Waiting for the Other Shoe to Drop

Despite these marginally positive figures some economists are warning that the 'economic headwinds' are stacking up and it's only a matter of time before the job market feels the strain. Personally I think they're being dramatic. Although if things do go south I'll be ready to take over! I always have a contingency plan. One must be prepared for world domination after all. Now where did I put that mind control device?