Doh! Trump's Tariffs Turn the Economy Upside Down Like a Duff Can!

Trump's Trade Tango: A Big Doh!

Alright folks Homer Simpson here reporting live from my couch! Today I heard that President Trump bless his heart has announced these things called 'reciprocal tariffs' for like a bazillion countries. Apparently it's got the stock market doing the Macarena… and not in a good way! Stocks are tumbling faster than I can eat a box of donuts and everyone's running to hide their money under their mattresses. Or maybe in gold bars… Mmm gold bars…

Expensive Krusty Burgers!?

These fancy pants analysts are saying these tariffs could make everything more expensive. Like what if Krusty Burgers go up to like five dollars?! That's outrageous! As J.P. Morgan dude Tai Hui says it might even raise prices to levels not seen since… well a long long time ago. And get this even those Taiwan semiconductor guys might have to charge more for their… whatever those things are. Does this mean my TV remote will cost extra? Doh!

No Winners Only Losers (and Maybe Some Donuts)

This guy David Rosenberg from Rosenberg Research says 'There are no winners in a global trade war.' Sounds depressing right? He also said something about how the consumer is going to get hosed on these tariffs. He said it's clap trap if anyone says it's not us. I don't want to get hosed like the time I had to wear that hula outfit for Mr. Burns. I need my money for donuts Duff and the occasional trip to Moe's!

Extreme Numbers and Scary Timing

Another smart guy Anthony Raza from UOB Asset Management is saying these numbers are like 'the most extreme' and even the timing is worse than expected! This is bad man. This is really really bad. Worse than when Bart replaced my beer with water... almost.

From Global to Homer Alone!

This Strategist guy David Roche says Trump is shifting from global to isolationist policies. That sounds lonely! He says these tariffs will cause global STAGFLATION. He predicts recession and my favorite thing: beer market! He says this'll last for years or even decades but he says it all starts with beer and donuts which it usually does!

Recession?! Aw Nuts!

Shane Oliver from AMP is saying this could lead to a U.S. recession with a 40% chance! He says global growth could be pushed towards 2%. That sounds like a lot of percentages! Tom Kenny from ANZ says we're gonna see higher prices slower growth and the Federal Reserve might start cutting rates. All I know is if there's a recession I'm blaming Trump. Doh! And I'm stocking up on donuts while I still can. Mmm recession donuts...