Tariffs are Back Baby! Is This the End of the World as We Know It?!

One Million Dollars!

So President Trump bless his tiny little heart has decided to bring back tariffs. Apparently they're the highest they've been in over 100 years! One HUNDRED years! Do you know how long I've been waiting to see something like this? I mean honestly this is better than sharks with frickin' laser beams attached to their heads! Well almost. This is potentially big and every evil genius such as myself must take note.

The Smoot Hawley Debacle

Some eggheads over at Evercore ISI are saying these tariffs are worse than the Smoot Hawley Tariff Act of the 1930s! That's the one that helped kick off the Great Depression! Oh behave! I mean if it throws the world into chaos that's just... gravy! Free gravy baby! It's like Christmas came early! Imagine the opportunities for evil! The chaos! The... profit!

Sector Specific Evil

JPMorgan's guys are crunching numbers and they say the tariffs are already way up! And get this there are more sector specific tariffs coming! Chips pharma critical minerals... Sounds like a shopping list for world domination to me! Mwahahaha!

The Trump Defense

Trump in his infinite wisdom says it's not the tariffs themselves but the *lack* of tariffs that's the problem. He thinks bringing them back will 'save our country'. Save your country?! Please! Save the world why don't you! He's just thinking too small. Way too small.

Recession My Precious

But here's the kicker these tariffs might actually push the U.S. and the whole damn world into a recession! JPMorgan is even warning that the US and global economy could go into recession this year! Which for a super villain is basically like finding a golden ticket! Finally!

A Modest Proposal

Now I'm not saying I *want* a global recession but... actually yes I am! Because out of chaos comes opportunity! And with these tariffs I might finally be able to afford that moon base I've always dreamed of. Or at least a really nice underground lair with a really big button that says 'Do Not Push'. Oh the possibilities! Mwahahahaha!