Inflation? Schminflation! My Evil Plan is Way More Inflationary!

One Tenth of One Percent?! Pitiful!

Mwahahaha! So the Commerce Department those blithering idiots reported inflation barely budged in April. A measly 0.1%! And the annual rate is a pathetic 2.1%! Do they even realize what I could do with that kind of power? ONE MILLION DOLLARS! No wait... that's not enough anymore is it? How about ONE... TRILLION DOLLARS! Mwahahaha! But seriously 0.1%? That’s like Mini Me trying to be intimidating. Utterly ineffective!

Trump's Tariffs: A Warm Up Act For My Economic Doomsday Device

President Trump's tariffs you say? Barely a blip on the radar apparently. He's pushing the Fed to lower interest rates like a toddler demanding candy. Meanwhile these 'experts' are wringing their hands about the long term impacts of his trade policy. Oh please! They should be worrying about MY long term impacts! My plan involves crippling the global economy cornering the market on artisanal cheese and then... well you'll see. It involves a lot of zeroes I assure you.

Consumer Spending? More Like Consumer...Ending!

Consumer spending is slowing down? Oh the horror! People are actually saving money? Preposterous! They should be out there buying ridiculously overpriced items that I can then tax into oblivion! A 0.2% increase? That's like trying to take over the world with a paperclip! I need them to spend spend spend so I can then… uh… redistribute it… to myself!

Stagflation? Sounds Like a Terrible Dance Move!

Stagflation they fear? Oh no! Higher prices AND slower economic growth? It's like a double whammy of suck! The U.S. hasn't seen this since the early 1980s they say. Well I say hold my cat Mr. Bigglesworth because I'm about to unleash an economic apocalypse that will make the 80s look like a tea party! Mwahahaha!

Powell's Meeting: He Dares Defy Me!

Trump had a meeting with Fed Chair Jerome Powell? And they didn't discuss monetary policy? Balderdash! Everyone knows the only monetary policy that matters is the one that lines my pockets! They claim decisions will be made free of political considerations. As if! Everything is political especially when *I'm* involved. Prepare to face my wrath Mr. Powell because I'm about to unleash... Quantitative Easing! But evil!

The Grand Finale: My Master Plan Unveiled (Soon!)

So the economists are worried about tariff inflation. Well let them worry! I've got bigger fish to fry or rather sharks to equip with laser beams! My plan is so diabolical so intricate so… evil that it will make these measly economic fluctuations look like a playground squabble. Just you wait world! Dr. Evil is coming for you and I'm bringing my inflation inator!