Durable Goods Orders SOAR! Is This Trump's Doing... YEAH, BABY!

AUSTIN POWERS MEET DURABLE GOODS!

Right so I've been looking at this news about durable goods orders soaring. Nine. Point. Two. Percent! That's like... almost ten percent! I LIKE TO LIVE DANGEROUSLY! And they say it's because of Trump's tariffs. Apparently companies were panic buying everything they could before those tariffs hit! Even better news exluding defence they were at 10.4%! It's like everyone's gone completely mental! I wonder if I can monetize this chaos somehow? Mwahahaha!

TRANSPORTATION EQUIPMENT: SHAGADELIC!

The biggest jump? Transportation equipment! Up TWENTY SEVEN percent! That's insane! Nondefense aircraft and parts are up 139%! One HUNDRED and THIRTY NINE PERCENT! Who knew so many people needed to buy planes all of a sudden? Did they all buy my moon base escape pods perhaps? This must be the power of me Doctor Evil!

TARIFFS: THE ONE MILLION DOLLAR QUESTION!

So Trump slaps a 10% tariff on everything. He called it 'Liberation Day'. What? Sounds more like a day where everyone's wallets get liberated. I bet he thinks he's saving the economy but it sounds more like Dr. Evil is saving the world instead. I could hold the world ransom for... ONE MILLION DOLLARS! Ah good times those were! And the Fed confirms companies are buying ahead of the tariffs. It's all falling into place... for me!

BEIGE BOOKS AND ECONOMIC DOOM!

Even the Federal Reserve's 'Beige Book' – sounds about as exciting as watching paint dry – admits companies are rushing to buy vehicles before the price hikes. And there is apprehension of course but i'm sure i can benefit from this! This means I could buy lots of durable goods before the tariffs then sell them at a massive profit! Yes! I’m going to be RICH! Richer than Mini Me’s height! I'll be richer than you can possibly imagine!

LAYOFFS? NOT TODAY AUSTIN!

The good news for them not me is that even with all this layoffs aren't rising. Trump's not even managing to fire enough people! Continuing claims are down! Washington D.C. claims are down! Where is the chaos I tell you where is the absolute chaos so I can become a trillionaire!

MY MASTER PLAN... IT'S ALIVE! (AND PROFITABLE!)

So here's the deal: This durable goods surge is a temporary blip caused by Trump's tariffs. The economy is still shaky. But for Doctor Evil this is an opportunity! I'll corner the market on nondefense aircraft and parts. Then I'll hold the world hostage unless they buy them from me! Muahahaha! It's all coming together! Soon the world will be mine! MINE I SAY! And I’ll have sharks with frickin' laser beams attached to their heads!