Jagshemash! Google Make Big Kazoo with AI and Money, But Also Have Big Problems!

Very Nice! Alphabet Show Off Big Numbers!

Jagshemash my friends! Borat here reporting live from... well not Kazakhstan. Too many horse urine problems there. Anyway Alphabet – you know the people who bring you Google and YouTube – they just showed off their numbers and let me tell you is very nice! They're expecting almost 90 billion dollarydoos in revenue! That's enough to buy many many village wives! And YouTube? Almost 9 billion just from people watching ads! Is like magic! Chenqui!

Wah Wah Wee Wah! Google in Robot Fight!

But hold your horses because Google is also in big robot fight! Everyone is making these 'AI' things – OpenAI Anthropic even the Chinese! Google says they have the best AI like saying my sister is the prettiest woman in Kazakhstan (very debatable!). But these other robots are trying to steal Google's borscht! And if Trump makes tariffs Google have no money for gypsies!

Google Make New Robot Friends!

But Google not scared! They make new robots like Gemini 2.5 and Gemma 3! Very strong robots! Also Nvidia man Jensen Huang say Google is BEST at robots. 'No company is better!' he said. Is like when I say Pamela Anderson is BEST woman but with robots!

Waymo Go to Texas and Atlanta! Is Nice!

Google also make robot taxis! They go to Austin Texas and Atlanta! Is like magic carpet but with no magic and more traffic! Maybe they take me to see Pamela Anderson one day? I make good trade!

Google Buy Wiz for Big Money! Is Expensive Wife!

Google buy Wiz for 32 billion dollarydoos! Is almost ten billion more than last year! Is like buying very expensive wife! They say it's for making Google Cloud stronger. Google Cloud is like Kazakhstan cloud but with more computers and less pollution from horse farms!

Google in Big Trouble with Rules! Very Bad!

But Google also have big problems! Judges say they are a monopoly! Like when I try to be only journalist in Kazakhstan! Very bad! They also have to be nice to workers who talk about rules. And some companies like Chegg and Reddit say Google is stealing their customers! Is like when I steal chicken from neighbor but with more computers and lawyers!