Etsy's Big Kazoo! Stock Tumbles Like My Sister After Too Much Fermented Horse Milk!

Great Success...NOT!

Jagshemash! I am Borat and I bring you news from the capitalist West. Etsy very nice online shop where you buy handcrafted goods – like my neighbor Nurmagomedov's famous yak sweaters – has had a bad time! Their shares they go down like my mustache after I try to eat a whole plate of plov. Earnings per share only 46 cents! LSEG wanted 49 cents! Is tragedy!

Trump's Tariffs: Is Like Kissing My Sister!

The big problem? That Donald Trump he make many tariffs! Tariffs they are like kissing my sister – you do not want to do it but sometimes you must for the good of the village. Etsy CEO say they are "vastly less" dependent on China goods but still the tariffs they sting like a scorpion in your underpants! They have small task force like my village idiot to handle the tariffs. I think they need bigger task force maybe with strong men like me to wrestle the tariffs to the ground!

Money Go Down Like Pants at a Nudist Beach!

Etsy they lose money! 52.1 million dollars! Is more than I see in my entire village in one year! They say it because they sell Reverb the musical instrument place. I did not know Etsy sold musical instruments. Maybe they should sell Borat brand mankini! That will bring them much money and many laughs. High five!

Buyers and Sellers They Disappear!

Not only is money going down but buyers and sellers they also disappear! Like when I try to find Pamela Anderson at the beach! 11.3% fewer sellers! And buyers they also run away! Maybe they are afraid of the tariffs or maybe they just find better yak sweaters somewhere else. Is big problem!

Amazon and Temu: The New Kazakhstan?

Etsy they fight with big companies like Amazon and also Temu and Shein. These companies they are like the new Kazakhstan – they are everywhere selling everything! Etsy wants to be special place for gifts but is hard when everyone else also sells gifts sometimes for very cheap price. Is like trying to sell horse to someone who already has car!

Very Nice... Maybe Next Time!

So Etsy they have bad time. But maybe next time they will make more money! Maybe they will sell more yak sweaters or Borat brand mankinis! We must wait and see. Until then I go back to Kazakhstan where the vodka flows like a river and the women have mustaches just like me! Chenqui!