Doh! Tariffs Got Me Buying Cars and iPhones Like There's No Tomorrow!

Mmm New Car Smell... Before the Tariff Monster Attacks!

Woohoo! Turns out everyone's been racing to car dealerships like they're chasing the last donut at the Kwik E Mart. See these tariff thingamajigs are gonna make cars more expensive so folks are buying 'em NOW! Smart eh? Like me figuring out how to get free donuts on 'National Donut Day'! I even saw some guys upgrading their iPhones early! Mmm shiny new gadgets...

Everything's Coming Up Milhouse... Except for Spending Money!

But here's the thing. Besides cars and shiny apple phones nobody's buying much else! It's like everyone's suddenly turned into Ned Flanders being all frugal and 'okily dokily' careful with their money! The Federal Reserve (whoever THEY are) says spending is down. D'oh! Maybe they should try spending on donuts... that always cheers ME up!

International Trade? Sounds Like Something Marge Would Worry About!

Apparently this whole 'international trade policy' is causing a lot of fuss. Everyone's all uncertain like when I try to cook something fancy for Marge and it ends up looking like Krusty Burger garbage! Companies are seeing slower spending too. Even Chipotle! That's a tragedy! Where am I gonna get my burrito fix now? Mmm burritos...

The Economy's Got Me Saying 'Eat My Shorts' to Big Purchases!

This fancy NielsenIQ dude says people are being all 'conservation mentality' with their cash. It's like we're all Bart Simpson trying to stretch our allowance 'til next week! Thirty five percent of people are putting off big stuff like houses and cars 'cause of these tariffs. Only 7% are rushing to buy. See? I'm a trendsetter!

Vroom Vroom! Cars Are King (Until They Run Out of Gas... Or Get Tariffed!)

Woohoo! Cars are selling like hotcakes... or donuts! Sales are up because everyone's scared of the 'tariff monster' jacking up prices. One guy even said it's like a 'buying frenzy'! Sounds exciting! Reminds me of the time I tried to buy all the Krusty Burgers in town... Donut I mean D'oh!

Delaying Purchases and Seeking Deals? Sounds Like My Saturday!

But like I said most folks are holding back. Procter & Gamble (sounds like a board game) says people are 'nervous'. Even airlines are having trouble selling tickets! They're dropping prices like I drop donuts... all the time! Maybe I should become a travel agent. Free trips to 'taco town' here I come! Woohoo! I sure hope everything works out cause if the economy gets any worse I'll need to sell my car to buy beer! And no one wants that!