Screw Tennis! Andre Agassi Ditches Racket for Pickleball! Respect My Authoritah!

What What What? Agassi's Gone Full Retard!

Alright listen up you guys. I just heard the most retarded thing ever. That washed up tennis player Andre Agassi is now playing... *pickleball*? What in the name of Kenny's poverty stricken family is pickleball? Sounds like something Kyle's mom would play. I bet it's even more boring than Kyle's stupid Canadian cousin.

Anna Leigh Waters? More Like Anna Leigh Whiners!

So apparently Agassi's teaming up with some girl named Anna Leigh Waters. She's like the 'top ranked player' in pickleball or something. She probably smells like patchouli and thinks she's all that just because she can hit a plastic ball over a net with a paddle the size of my hand. Seriously get a life you hippie!

U.S. Open Pickleball Championships? More Like U.S. Openly Lame!

This whole thing is going down at the 'U.S. Open Pickleball Championships' in Florida. I bet it's full of old people wearing visors and screaming about line calls. It probably smells like Bengay and Werther's Originals. I'd rather watch Butters try to parallel park. At least that's entertaining in a 'Butters is an idiot' kind of way.

She's Probably Sick of Winning

Agassi even said that the girl is probably sick of winning too much but I am not sure about that. She probably thinks she's all that and she probably is good at a stupid sport.

Pickleball is Catching On? Blame the Pandemic!

Apparently pickleball is the 'fastest growing sport' in the U.S. since the pandemic. Of course it is! Everyone's gone completely bonkers from staying inside for too long. Now they're all out there whacking plastic balls around like a bunch of deranged hamsters. You know the only sport that matters is the one where I win and the rest of you are losers. Respect my authoritah!

Screw Pickleball! I'm Going Back to My Cheesy Poofs!

Honestly who cares about pickleball? I'm going back to watching TV and eating Cheesy Poofs. At least that's something worthwhile. Maybe I'll even make Butters play pickleball and film it for my own amusement. That's what I'm talking about! Now that's entertainment! Screw you guys I'm going home!