Canada Strikes Back! Auto Tariff Wars Heat Up! Are My Evil Plans Doomed?

Rrrrrright... Canada's Counterattack

So Canada those pesky maple syrup loving do gooders have slapped a 25% tariff on US made cars and parts. Twenty five percent! Do you know what I could do with 25% of the world's gold reserves? It's practically a rounding error! Anyway this is all in response to Trump's 'YUGE' tariffs on imported vehicles. It's like a game of international chicken except instead of cars we're using... well cars. And my meticulously crafted plans for a laser beam that can hold the world ransom. Shhh!

USMCA? More Like US Mess CA!

Apparently Canada is being all 'technical' about their tariffs. They're taking the USMCA or CUSMA (because acronyms are cool or whatever) into account. This means even if a car is made in the US if it has parts from outside Canada and Mexico WHAM! Tariff time! It's all very complicated and frankly boring. Where's the fun in all this trade nonsense? I prefer sharks with frickin' laser beams attached to their heads!

Flavio Volpe My New Nemesis?!

This 'Flavio Volpe' guy who leads the Automotive Parts Manufacturers' Association seems to think he's pretty smart. He told the Canadian Prime Minister to keep parts out of the tariffs...at first. Now he's all about 'targeting American,' trying not to hurt their little Mexican partners. Oh boo hoo. It’s not my problem. The world doesn't revolve around you Volpe!

Remissions? Are You Kidding Me?!

Canada is talking about 'remissions' for automakers. It's some kind of incentive to keep them producing and investing in Canada. Sounds like a giant loophole to me! You know what else needs remission? Trump’s ego. One MILLION dollars!

Trump's Tariff Tantrums!

Trump bless his tiny heart isn't offering any exemptions. Five automakers made 1.3 million cars in Canada last year mostly for American consumers. And they probably used those cars to drive to the voting booths...to vote against me I bet! It's all a conspiracy I tell you!

The End of Friendly Times?

According to some guy named Carney this tariff business is ending the 'era' of US Canada friendliness. He even called Trump's tariffs 'unjustified unwarranted and... misguided.' Well excuse me! I've been called worse by people who were very nearly killed by my piranhas! Canada is also fighting this at the World Trade Organization. Bunch of goody two shoes.