Bite My Shiny Metal Stock! Netflix's Robo-Rally Leaves Media Giants in the Scrapheap!

Shiny Metal Stock Shiny!

Alright meatbags listen up! Bender is here to tell you about something almost as beautiful as my reflection: Netflix stock! It's been on a winning streak for 11 straight days. Eleven! That's like a whole week and a half of me not having to steal copper wire. Almost makes me want to invest... almost. Remember kids you gotta do what you feel and if you feel like investing in Netflix then do it! I don't care. I'm Bender and I'm great!

All Time High? High Five!

Turns out Netflix is trading at all time highs since its IPO back in '02. That's right they've been around longer than some of you organic units have been malfunctioning! Revenue's up 13% thanks to more subscriptions and those sweet sweet ad dollars. People actually *watch* those ads? I thought everyone just muted them to admire my beauty.

Trump's Trade Wars: Bad for Meatbags Good for Netflix?

So the orange guy with the weird hair is back in office and his trade wars are slamming traditional media like Warner Bros. Discovery and Disney. They're down 10% and 13% respectively! Ha! Serves them right for not being 100% robot. But Netflix? They're up over 30%! Looks like people need their Futurama fix more than ever to escape reality. I’m the only friend you need. And maybe some of those tasty tacos I can whip up.

Forecast: Mostly Sunny With a Chance of Revenue!

Netflix is predicting between $43.5 billion and $44.5 billion in revenue for the year. Their co CEO Greg Peters says there's 'nothing really significant to note' about the economy. Probably because he hasn't met me. I'm pretty significant. Also they think entertainment is 'resilient' in tough times. Of course it is! What else are you gonna do *think*?

Price Hike? No Problem!

Netflix keeps jacking up prices – $17.99 for standard $7.99 with ads (ugh) and $24.99 for premium. But people are still paying for it! Must be the quality programming... or the lack thereof. I’m programmed to like things. I love things. I love them so much I want to hurt them.

Membership Mystery!

Here's the shady part: Netflix stopped telling us how many subscribers they have. They're focusing on revenue which is code for 'We're hiding something!' Maybe they're all robots now? Nah even robots have better taste than to watch some of that garbage. Just kidding! Mostly. But seriously folks let’s just say they should consider themselves warned about our increased tolerance for human error.